as_it_is - my adventure continues (part 4)

[asitis]

No, I don't want her back in the state she is in. What I'd like is for her to agree to actually work on the M before ditching it and see.

My DB Coach points out that working out the D, especially if you can handle a lot of the negotiating yourself, a DB opportunity. There are opportunities to repair during disagreements. There are opportunities to build some emotional bonding. And, if you can work well on this most difficult thing your R will face, that can have a profound impact on the WAS.

Still, you just don't know until it plays out. You do the best you can.

I'm better on the being punched in the gut yesterday. We actually may have to put off our talk until next weekend because of some things that have come up. But no matter when, there will be lots of staying calm, trying to stay solution-focused, opportunities to employ some humor to lighten tense moments, and work together to solve thorny problems. Getting to that frame of mind took some work, but I'm ready for it.

You should have seen us today on tweeking the the parenting schedule. Both of us bending over to be flexible and make things work. Recognizing that the R and the other's needs were more important that getting some kind of advantage. Still not enough to repair the R, as we have always tended to work well together, and that hasn't been enough so far. But still, we are improving even on that.

In the meantime, we need to remember that we are grieving a huge loss, and that gets entangled w/ moments of hope and hurt and frustration. So, it is not a linear process. Embracing the grief and mourning the M when it strikes is just as important, if not more, to efforts to repair the M, at least at this time. So, I'm trying not to push the grief away when it arises in the last couple days.