Zues, I am interested in your response and taking comfort in it. Honestly? I DON'T want to kick him out. I have this gut feeling - and I may live to eat these words - that given enough time and the right kind of space/treatment, he is slowly but surely going to work his way through this mess and decide our marriage is indeed worth fighting to save.
I just need some kind of Rules of Conduct in getting through the day to day. If I don't need to make any kind of move or decision right now, how do I act? Do I disengage, do the things that were listed like basically be separated while living together? Do I simply ignore when I realize he's probably texting her?
I am fully on board with acting as if I'm moving on, because in all honesty that's what I'm trying to do. I immediately looked up some groups to join and went out to see a lecture on Mozart the other night - something out of character for me to do, yet still "me" (I am into music).
I just don't know how to act toward HIM when he's not being a jerk, and he's genuinely trying to figure out how he feels about things. He has gone so far as to take core values questionnaires, to read books and spend several hours contemplating and completing the exercises inside them, seeking therapy.
In short, I know he is trying. Really trying. He does love me, and he is pouring his very heart and soul into understanding how he has come to do what he's done and what that means - does it mean he wants out of the marriage? Does it mean we can fix things? Could he finally have found happiness with someone new? These are all things he is really wrestling with. As much anguish as it is causing me, I know it is very real to him. I think he really wants to believe in our marriage but he is afraid that if he recommits, that in a few years' time we will find ourselves back in the same place if he doesn't fully understand why he isn't happy.
How do I give him the room to sort this out and still keep my dignity?
