Thank you, Azzork - yes, I think that is where I have come. Although I am scared, my sense of self-preservation is proving to be much stronger than I ever would have believed. I have read all the things about letting him go, giving him the freedom to choose what he wants, and giving myself the freedom to choose as well. For my own self-respect, I feel I need to make a move.
I guess I need help deciding what move that will be. Do I ask him to leave? Do I simply move him in the other room? I need to take a stance so he sees I'm not simply waiting around hoping to be chosen. And my own mindset has gotten to the point where I'm almost not faking that - I'm really fed up with this notion that he could believe somehow I'm not good enough. I would like to make a power play, but given our odd circumstances (no money, no resources, trying to hide it from kids unless absolutely essential, and he's truly not being a jerk - I think he is really on the cusp of dropping the OW. I just don't think that means he definitely wants to stay in the marriage.)
I will go read all the threads mentioned.
Oddly enough, he just texted me again that he is just wrapping up with that 3:00 appointment (I know the woman he is with - good friend, totally platonic, and helping him with some job stuff, so it's plausible that they have been chatting for three hours). He has not yet said he is on the train home though, so I will wait for what he does rather than what he says.
