But, I did find out from OW's mother that the call from her was her telling him to stop calling. It sure was a long, friendly call if that's what it was...
Me: 42, H: 38 Married: 12 years (second M for me) 14D, 9D 2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC
At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?
Cat must have lost the argument and the war... I miss her.
Things have been very bad lately. I validate & empathize and listen but day after day it becomes a hate-filled berating from my husband. He's so deep into depression and only blames me for every thing. He hates that he is feeling stuck but will NOT want to face anything. I know all I can do is listen and validate but this daily hate-fest is killing any shred of affection or love in me.
Me: 42, H: 38 Married: 12 years (second M for me) 14D, 9D 2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC
At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?
ugh.... every night its the same thing: he says he wants to work this out by communicating. But every single thing I saw, in answer to his questions is met with rage, accusations and blame. I try not to engage or to detatch but he says that's insulting and he rages all the more - to the point of waking me at night, etc. So it becomes my fault we can't work things out because I don't want to play the game. Meantime, he continues to dive deeper into depression, chasing after his former mistress (who doesn't want him) and a developing porn addiction, ontop of his alcohol consumption.
Me: 42, H: 38 Married: 12 years (second M for me) 14D, 9D 2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC
At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?
I'm glad that you're talking some. But what exactly does he want to "work out"? No answer you give will please him, so what's the point? It sounds like HE needs to work out HIM before you two have a chance to work on your M.
Are you guys getting help or are you trying to do this on his terms only?
Exactly - nothing will please him. But avoiding him makes him very mad. Yes, he needs to work on himself, but any suggestion or hint of that enrages him and starts a new string of blame. On his terms because of course, nothing else matters. Remember, he is a pastor and counselor so he knows "all the tricks" and everything is a trick.
Just tonight he told me he's lawyered up now. I don't know if it's a test or legit.
Me: 42, H: 38 Married: 12 years (second M for me) 14D, 9D 2015 EA (PA??), porn addict, *pastor/counselor* MLC
At a counselor, he said he wanted the marriage but not to work on himself w/a IC. Piecing?
