I know I have allowed myself to be controlled by his silence and withdrawing. It is hugely painful and upsetting to me when he walks through a room without speaking to me, refuses to make eye-contact for days at a time, when he sleeps elsewhere for long periods. He knows full well how it makes me feel because I have cried, begged, pleaded, threatened, etc.
I am better in this area - though I still catch myself doing or not doing things so he won't start ignoring me.
I need to think more about a boundary for myself in this area. To try to be less dependent on his affection and jumping through hoops to get it. I want to show him the respect he deserves - I want to be warm and kind and friendly. But I can't go back to being some kind of performing pet constantly apologising for my own shadow just so he'll deign to share a bed with me.
I can't force him to treat me like an adult, but I can certainly make myself act like one.
