For a start these are ok too. But I think they may be a couple steps ahead of where you are now. If I told you that you would R, what would be the FIRST few things you'd look for
The very first things?
Being spoken to with politeness and respect, and some warmth. Being asked questions about my day, my work, etc. Him volunteering information about his day, etc.
This feels like a science experiment in some ways. Stepping right back from him, not pursuing him at all - and watching to see how he responds to small changes in my behaviour. I don't feel like I'm manipulating him - I am only doing things that I want to do, with no real expectation of any change on his part - but I do feel like I'm getting more information.
If you think those are the very first things, then thats great. Im not sure where you are in your relationship. I might add something like sharing a laugh about something, having him smile at you, offering to do anything together....Im not sure.
It really IS a science experiment! And when you think of it in those logical terms, it starts to click. If you can take your emotions out of it for a little while, and think of it like an experiment, you can figure out what actually works. Thats how scientists operate! Thats not manipulating...thats learning.
