For a start these are ok too. But I think they may be a couple steps ahead of where you are now. If I told you that you would R, what would be the FIRST few things you'd look for
The very first things?
Being spoken to with politeness and respect, and some warmth. Being asked questions about my day, my work, etc. Him volunteering information about his day, etc.
This feels like a science experiment in some ways. Stepping right back from him, not pursuing him at all - and watching to see how he responds to small changes in my behaviour. I don't feel like I'm manipulating him - I am only doing things that I want to do, with no real expectation of any change on his part - but I do feel like I'm getting more information.
I'm finding that if I don't initiate conversation, we can spend the entire day in the whole house, in separate rooms, in silence. I'm finding that if I don't initiate physical contact - arm touches, rubs, hugs, etc - then there isn't any - at all. I see that he appreciates me complimenting his work.
