Hi Bets! I am involved a lot less than I must have come across yesterday. I stay 100% out of it between STBX and S19. With D17, I only get involved when there's an event that I think is important, such as the back to school night and parent/teacher conference that were yesterday's topics. STBX and D17 schedule their own dinners out and D17 asks for what she needs in terms of purchases, etc. I still stick my nose in the school stuff because D12 has equivalent functions at her school and I don't think it's right for me to tell him about D12's and not D17's. She only has one more year to go, and then I'll be out of that one completely.
I do note that things evolve over time. In the beginning, both STBX and I needed me to be more involved in the kids stuff, coming to a hands off approach slowly took place as he was able to step up and take over functions he hadn't done in 18 years. Same with NC, the two months I put so much effort in to limiting contact to a minimum just didn't work well for either of us. When I did contact him, the amount of information was overwhelming for him and I didn't get the responses I needed. Parsing things out in smaller doses worked better for us. I see him or talk to him probably four or five days a week now.
I'm weighing my GAL options for this weekend, and thinking how great it is to have options.
I stay 100% out of it between STBX and S19. With D17, I only get involved when there's an event that I think is important, such as the back to school night and parent/teacher conference that were yesterday's topics. STBX and D17 schedule their own dinners out and D17 asks for what she needs in terms of purchases, etc. I still stick my nose in the school stuff because D12 has equivalent functions at her school and I don't think it's right for me to tell him about D12's and not D17's. She only has one more year to go, and then I'll be out of that one completely.