I worry that moving his things out of our room will create more damage. But I've asked repeatedly for space and he just won't grant me any. He only comes home to work and shower, so surely moving his stuff into the office is not that big a deal, right? I just want privacy...a space he cannot invade for now. He loves telling me that he pays for everything, so he should not have to leave. He is in complete denial over the state of my health...since I've started walking, I must be ok. I have to take a nap after! His ideal plan is for me to leave...now. Not happening, which is making him crazy.
He's escalated things so quickly because he fails to understand that an EA and a PA amount to the same thing. He wants to do the deed, so to speak, but since his first wife cheated on him, he believes he is being a better person by divorcing first.
You are in the right place, post, ask questions, vent, do whatever. Just get it out, people will come, and believe it or not, we all have stories with similar traits. An alien has taken our beloved overnight and replaced them with a monster.
And while it may hurt like hell, detach is the only way to survive right now. It gets your head in a better place.
Me - Mid 40's W - Mid 40's Married 20 No kids BD - 7/2015 ILYB... Moved out 2 days later Suspect EA
Today Mr. Brave textures me to see if I was ok. I answered honestly, "no." Then he says he's sorry, didn't mean to hurt me. Since I had nothing nice to say to that, I didn't reply. I am angrily detaching....hoping to move it to lovingly detached soon.
Today Mr. Brave textures me to see if I was ok. I answered honestly, "no." Then he says he's sorry, didn't mean to hurt me. Since I had nothing nice to say to that, I didn't reply. I am angrily detaching....hoping to move it to lovingly detached soon.
I get that youre hurting. We all understand that. But you dont want him to see that. By admitting that you arent ok, it lets him know the power that he has over yeah. You arent going to get him to change his mind out of pity.
Id recommend you watch the TED talk by Amy Huddy about body language. The message is so good - fake it until you make it. By saying that you are "OK", you can BECOME "OK".
As for moving his stuff out, I wouldnt hesitate to do it. HE is not paying for anything...you as a marital unit are paying for everything. It is just as much yours as his. I believe that by filing for D and chasing OW, he is giving up his right to be in the marital BR. I would state that you are unwilling to live in an open M --- read the boundary thread for a lot more great info!
Thank you, Azzork! I will start faking it for now. I'm mostly ok, except for the times he is around. Setting boundaries today, starting with moving his stuff to another room.
I am rereading DR right now, too! I seem to have missed a lot the first time through. Putting on my big-girl undies and dealing. I hate how bitter I sound in my posts....that is not who I am! Working on that immediately.
Practicing saying "I understand. I'm sorry you feel that way." so it begins to feel natural.
You dont need to apologize. Just saying "I understand why you feel that way" may be more effective. Saying "Im sorry ..." sounds invalidating to me. Like its his fault that he feels like that.
You're going to be proud of me! H sent a text asking if he could pick up a form related to Divorce. I replied, "Sure. I'll leave it in the kitchen." I then asked if he needed anything from the bedroom (implying he was not welcome). That's it. Feeling stronger.
