I've been lurking for weeks now, since the famous BD. I've been married 20 years, my 1st - his 2nd. We have five children, the youngest are 18 year old twins.
It started with an e-mail, simply stating "he's done". Mind you, he texted me at 1 in the morning advising me to read my e-mail while he was out of town. Courageous, right?
When he finally came home the next day, he generously spared me 5 minutes for discussion before running out of the house to go to a party. He stayed away the rest of the weekend, and only came home to pack and go out of town for the next week.
Typical MLC bullcrap...ILYBNILWY, been thinking about it for years, no point in counseling, and it was ALL MY FAULT. I have transformed into a demon. Unfortunately, I did not know about DB/DR yet, so I bought into all the nonsense, sent several pleading e-mails, cried nonstop, and fell apart.
I should mention I suffer from Heart Failure and Fibromyalgia...stress is not good for either of these conditions. I got online, started researching, and found this site. I am so glad I did or I might have collapsed.
I started GAL, walking daily, hours of mirror-work, and prayer. I asked him to give me some time to wrap my mind around it...he did not honor that request, choosing to tell me he was getting a divorce ASAP and I needed to get on board every time the kids left the room.
He asked me if I was going to fight the divorce, and I asked him to let me think a bit. He filed that afternoon without my knowledge.
I asked home to wait on telling the kids, and he called them right away. Clearly, he cares nothing for my needs. Of course, he told all five how it was all my fault.
I've been working on staying calm, showing him through actions (when he's actually here) some of my changes. I knew it would be a long haul, but I was prepared to stop begging, reasoning, pleading, and just work on me.
I asked him if there was someone else, and he kept denying it. I believed him because his first wife was a cheater and he was so furious about it.....swore he would never do that. This man gave me lectures over the years about how divorce was not an option! We would work through challenges.
Granted, our marriage was in bad shape. We needed counseling, but he refused to go. I just had no idea it was that bad. We were living separate lives, he was spending all his time away from home with a new group of friends. Lots of drinking, none in a committed relationship, etc. I am so stupid! I trusted him.
Today, I got what I deserved. One of his friends was playing Facebook games, and unfriended me. Of course, I was curious so I went to look at the page. Moron forgot to change privacy settings, so there's a mention of a party with my husband's name linked to a woman I've never heard of.
...I went snooping....
My heartfelt, pleading e-mails... all forwarded to this woman! I almost cannot breathe. When he came home, I pounced. I asked him about this woman, and he claimed to barely know her. So I told him I'd snooped and knew better....then he tells me about the other women he wants to date as soon as he gets rid of me....it's not just her. He seems to believe it's not cheating if he hasn't done the deed yet.
Believe it or not, I was still talking marriage counseling and forgiveness at this point. He kept pressing me on whether I was going to hire a lawyer or not. I told him I couldn't talk anymore, and I'd talk with him tomorrow, and left the room.
True to form, he gave me no space. A couple of hours later, he comes into the bedroom, "Well?"
I've had time to think, and I am ANGRY. I told him, growled is more like it, that I said earlier I would talk to him tomorrow, and for once, he was going to honor my request. He slammed the door on his way out.
Then, here he comes again....and I lost it. Asked him if his girlfriend needed an answer. Then he said, what about all that forgiveness talk? I told him I was so angry right then that I couldn't even go there right now. I reminded him that I couldn't believe a word he was saying, denying he even knew this woman and then sending her my letters. I called him a lying, cheating b***tard. He wondered if I was telling the kids. I don't remember exactly what I screamed then, but it had something to do with me saving his reputation and me being a demon.
He finally left. Thank God, because I was vomiting at that point. I don't know what to do. He sleeps elsewhere, but works from home when he's in town. I want to move his things out of the bedroom, because I just cannot deal with looking at him. I need space. This is so hurtful...I want to die.
Anyone have tips on recovering from this kind of freak out?
