And to all the kind, wise and generous souls who populate this thread (Betsey, 25yearsmlc and many others):
I think I could use some help with conflict resolution. I feel like i am struggling so much with the negotiations of this divorce. My STBX claims that I have dragged my feet and slowed the process down, and since we have not yet set a date for the division of assets, he feels it's unfair for me to have any claim on money he's earned since he decided to leave me.
I hear so many different pieces of advice. I want to complete this journey with my dignity and integrity intact. And at the same time, as I look back on our relationship, I realize it was riddled with times when I felt taken advantage of.
I wouldn't want anyone to ever be able to say, "how pathetic-- she dragged it out so she could get more money from him. what a gold-grubbing loser." And then I wonder why I am worried about what 'anyone' (like his family, or his girlfriend) think of me anyway! My future is at stake and all I ever wanted was to be able to stay married and not have to deal with any of this!
I feel like not only have my DB efforts failed, they have actually backfired. My gut is telling me to just say "ok. you win." But then I hear another voice in my head that says, "Wait a minute, not so fast. Why are you ashamed of wanting to stay married? Why are you ashamed to ask for more?"
And then, on top of all of this increasingly contentious negotiation is our co-parenting. I'm supposed to put on a smiley face and have a PMA around him when I think he is a jerk. We're supposed to also negotiate parenting stuff between each other (like schedules, or the start of school, etc). It's like, literally making my head spin.
I'm flailing a bit right now. No wonder I feel so off-kilter.
Please give me some advice for how to get through this with dignity, integrity but without being a fool or being walked on. I'm feeling stuck Most of the people I ask for advice come from a place of anger towards him: "you are entitled to..." "Don't back down from..." "He has to pay." That kind of thing.
