Just some journalling and random thoughts. Though I could really do with a response if anyone is still reading...
So - DH has been a little warmer to me today. Last night he came up and laid in bed with me for a while and watched a film. He went to sleep elsewhere, alone. I was cheerful and friendly today and said I liked spending time with him last night. I made sure to thank and praise and compliment him often. I think he likes me doing it. He's certainly been kinder and he accepted a hug from me today. I don't think that was pursuing - I didn't have expectations - I just wanted to thank him for a big job he'd done on the house and show him I was happy about it.
But tonight he's off on his own again.
I have all kinds of thoughts - none of which are helpful. I feel like I am entitled to love and affection and attention and respect because I am his wife. But I don't want it because I am 'entitled' to it. I don't want him to act out of duty. I want him to act out of love. And if he was feeling like doing those things, he probably would. So he's obviously not. And here am I, being an utter mug in showering him with praise and affection. Which he seems to like, but isn't that interested in returning.
I am down and angry tonight. Keeping it to myself though, not pursuing, not instigating any R-talk.
