I fantasize about playing the "nice" game until the D is final and then letting him sink like a rock in the eyes of the girls. I know that's wrong, and I won't actually do it, but...sigh...
I guess it's just one of those days. Think I'll go run some errands to get me out of this chair and out of my funk.
Actually, can you ask the girls to own the task of letting their dad know what's going on and remove yourself completely?
D17 would never tell him anything. And I don't think its fair to put that on D12. She'd mention it to him but at a time he couldn't write it down, he'd miss the show and say he didn't know, and her heart would be broken. So for now I'll just forward emails and send texts. As she gets older I'll shift that over to her more, but for now having daddy show up for her is more important to me than the logistics of how he got there.
I'm just whiney today I guess. I was working on my financial disclosure earlier and it's boring and annoying. Picking at the scab.
Ok, gotcha on D12. But I think I would tell H, "I'm backing away from the R between you and the kids. I'll do my best to let you know important events for D12, but it's now up to you to communicate with them."
And I'd let the other kids know so they know it on them if they really want their dad there. If not? He's going to learn the hard way that there are consequences lining this path. Sunny, this is no longer your job for the older kids. Yes, it's sad. But you didn't choose this for them. He did.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Hi Bets! I am involved a lot less than I must have come across yesterday. I stay 100% out of it between STBX and S19. With D17, I only get involved when there's an event that I think is important, such as the back to school night and parent/teacher conference that were yesterday's topics. STBX and D17 schedule their own dinners out and D17 asks for what she needs in terms of purchases, etc. I still stick my nose in the school stuff because D12 has equivalent functions at her school and I don't think it's right for me to tell him about D12's and not D17's. She only has one more year to go, and then I'll be out of that one completely.
I do note that things evolve over time. In the beginning, both STBX and I needed me to be more involved in the kids stuff, coming to a hands off approach slowly took place as he was able to step up and take over functions he hadn't done in 18 years. Same with NC, the two months I put so much effort in to limiting contact to a minimum just didn't work well for either of us. When I did contact him, the amount of information was overwhelming for him and I didn't get the responses I needed. Parsing things out in smaller doses worked better for us. I see him or talk to him probably four or five days a week now.
I'm weighing my GAL options for this weekend, and thinking how great it is to have options.
Today I have a meeting with my L in preparation for tomorrow's first collaborative 5-way. I still have no idea what I'm doing, I really don't. I have seen the agenda, I have read everything my L has given me, and I still don't have a grasp of all the things that need to be addressed. I guess that's where the Ls and experts come in, they have done this before and that's why they are getting paid. Maybe I'm overthinking this, I'm a pretty smart girl, I'm not sure why this is not clicking with me. Ask me to produce a financial statement, speak at a retreat, open a book store, or plan a 3-day convention. Those I understand. D? Not so much.
Hi Sunny. Maybe it's a bit much to try and focus on or maybe your having s blonde moment ( we all them ). Whichever your L is there for this. Defer to them unless it something you don't agree with and if your not sure about something just ask.
As you say your a bright girl and will deal with it
I stay 100% out of it between STBX and S19. With D17, I only get involved when there's an event that I think is important, such as the back to school night and parent/teacher conference that were yesterday's topics. STBX and D17 schedule their own dinners out and D17 asks for what she needs in terms of purchases, etc. I still stick my nose in the school stuff because D12 has equivalent functions at her school and I don't think it's right for me to tell him about D12's and not D17's. She only has one more year to go, and then I'll be out of that one completely.