The physical blow-up was the result of not resolving all of the emotional and verbal ones which have been building for years.
Things are turning around because I have changed the way I'm handling them. I think this is key. I try to accept H's viewpoint as his reality, while keeping my mind in a more logical one. He has shown more doctrinal differences lately regarding M and our faith. I am relying on God to straighten him out on those. It is painful watching him try to justify what he feels by corrupting our religion, but I have no control over that & refuse to get caught up in it. I only give proof of what I believe when he says he wants to understand.
I feel like I'm at a better place since starting to work on myself. I don't get drug into arguments any longer. I have recently had to walk away once while taking a walk together. (Breathing deeply to stave off a panic attack!) Before, I would have just blurted out what I was thinking and how he's wrong. Even after being confronted with very negative time spent together, I resumed showing him positivity and that 'the floor was not going to drop out from underneath' so to speak.
As far as making the changes last, all I can do is keep working on them. I don't think there is a set goal-line of sorts. I'll never really get to where I want to be, but I have to accept where I'm at and go from there. So far, lack of patience is my greatest challenge! I'm sure there will be more and I will meet them in time.
Me:46 H:42 T:7 M:5 MD(H SD):24 MS(H SS):19 MS(H SS):13 Separated on & off most of '15 WAH last left 8/15 WAH changed locks & Bank account of joint business 8/15
