Jim0987 #15 - Further on up the road

[jim0987]

Thanks for the positive reinforcement. Its always welcome if unjustified.

So XW collected D from me with OM1 in tow - this is apparently just the done thing now. S was in the her car but she didnt mention this - He was nearly on my driveway without me seeing him but fortunately I carried D out to the car so saw him if only for 30 second.

I can confidently say my pending divorce was never about OM1 (and to be honest im starting to doubt whether it was even about me), I cant help but feel pretty rubbish that she picked him over me.

I do however think more and more that my continuing difficulty in moving on is about the rejection and what my XW represented more than about her specifically - Yes she is smart, funny, attractive and successful but she also treated me pretty badly for a number of years and her anxiety/need for control is quite frustrating. And that ignores all of her actions post BD.

Its like to me being alone is a sign of failure. Now thats not a standard i would apply to anyone else but is too easy a conclusion for me about me. And that in itself leads to a negative reinforcement spiral.

some of this post comes from the fact the last couple of weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster for me and in amongst it all I find myself really missing having that partner to share the highs and lows with. And everytime the kids leave its a hell of a low. But im also now really trying to understand why this still affects me, why I still care and what it will take to move on.....im getting impatient with it all.

Now before anyone says anything about GAL, I'm over seeing friends tonight, then out friday night (yes i'm acting like im 25 but then I look it so noone will notice) and before I know it the kids will be back

Anyway I hope you are all having a nice evening/afternoon/time of day relevant to your timezone.

And if any newcomers are reading this - Really digging for insight is deeply unpleasant but it will help you but not while you are still trying to work out how to get your partner back. Make yourself the best option then decide who deserves that option.