I just feel every time I try to move forward and show a different attitude she brings something up to test me. I fought every urge to ask questions or talk and left it at I would let her know after the appointment. I get emotional when she does this but stayed calm in front of her. I also sense she is rushing something formal to let her move on to someone she has waiting. I know there is nothing in a do about that if so. It still hurts. Anyone seen the pattern before though on every time I feel at peace and dealing with things and detaching myself more from her she tries to shake me up? I know true detachment would t care and I know I am not there yet.
All of this is so common in threads here on the board, that it leads us to think there is another person waiting in the wings. Whenever I see a woman who wants to get out without using lawyers, etc., I wonder if she sees it as a route to superimpose what she wants over what is fair. It happens while the H is still shocked and in terrible pain, and many men will give the W whatever she wants. Later, he sees how he should not have allowed it.
My advice is to protect yourself and your children. In most of these cases we see on the board, the W (at this point) is out for herself and no longer has the mindset of the woman he once knew & loved.
To me, one of the big flags is when the W appears to have lost her motherly love or emotional attachment to her children. All of her attention is directed on herself. Her caring attention and attitude toward them has apparently flipped and the poor little kids know it. They don't understand that their mother is in the Twilight Zone.
As strange as it seems, whenever she senses you pull away (detaching), she will test you. We call it emotional temperature check. She is checking to see if you are still emotionally attached to her. When she feels secure in knowing you are attached, then she turns away no longer interested. However, the more she sees that she cannot tempt or test you, the more interested she becomes (no matter how she may be acting or what she says). She begins to wonder if she has messed up and gone too far, b/c it seems to her that she is really losing you.
As long as she can have another man and keep her H attached, she will continue the craziness. Feeling that she's lost her H will usually get her undivided attention and maybe start to wake her up. So, detach, detach, detach.
This may sound like foolish nonsense to you, IDK. However, it is the mindset of a woman like you've described your W. You cannot reason with her b/c she is not logical. Even if you have a good heart to heart talk.........it won't hold. She will be right back in the Twilight Zone again.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
