Ok so Ive been living at my sisters since I got out of jail. This morning I wake up to the feeling of kisses all over my chest, and abs, and its W. Apparently my sister let her in the house.
She was crying and stated telling me how sorry she was. Telling me that OM was a horrible lover, and she dosent know what she was thinking. SHe was begging forgiveness, and trying to kiss my lips. When I wouldn't let her she tried to grab my privates and go down on me. I basically was disgusted by all that. I was also paranoid the law would show up. Im pretty damaged from all this.
The fact that she cheated while I was in jail fighting with gang bangers, and knuckleheads makes me want to vomit. I don't trust nomore, and I don't think I want her to touch me. Shes really seeming truly desperate to rekindle a spark, but Im just numb to everything.
She showed me a video on her phone she made saying she was out of her mind, and don't want this divorce anymore. She has fired her lawyer, and disowned her daddy, and her witch friend too. She seems to genuinely realize how low she is. GOd help me be strong through this, because I still want to be a family again, but the cheating is hard for a man like me to forget.
On the one hand, be happy that she has come out of her fog, and is understanding the issues at hand here. On the other hand, theres no way to healthily jump right back to where you were before. Otherwise, what has really changed?
In my opinion, you each need some time alone to really understand what you want and how you are going to get there. Start by spending small chunks of time together to start to rebuild that trust. I dont think jumping right back into bed with her will help either of you to heal properly.
Id say that's great advice, and truth is that sex is the LAST thing on my mind. It wasn't the reason I loved her so much. It was her work ethic, and her cooking, and her sense of humor, and so on.
On the other hand I think SHE was basically in it for sex with ME. I hate sounding snobby, but I am a really good looking man, and in great shape. I just didn't meet the emotional needs. SHe wants me to lay her down because Im good at it, but Im not into that right now. Ive had enough sex for a lifetime. I need trust.
You have both cheated numerous times, just because hers is the most recent one then she's wayward? She appears not to be the only wayward one in your home. Azz this doesn't ever seemed to be healthy as an R.
In my view this R between the two of you is out of control and simply damaging to your children. They need protecting from this, it's very concerning. pP had it nailed a few posts back.
Neither of you need an R with each other until each of you separately resolves your issues. It's called being an adult and responsible parent. It all seems very artificial designed to create escalating thrills for both of you.
So what are you going to do to put your children first?
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 09/09/1510:32 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
She was crying and stated telling me how sorry she was. Telling me that OM was a horrible lover, and she dosent know what she was thinking. SHe was begging forgiveness, and trying to kiss my lips. When I wouldn't let her she tried to grab my privates and go down on me. I basically was disgusted by all that. I was also paranoid the law would show up. Im pretty damaged from all this.
In past times, if she thought she had really made you angry with her, would she act anything like she did here?
Why would she be so disparate for you to have sex at that very instant? Was having sex the way you would make up? I mean, I know most couples do, but I am trying to see if this behavior is totally opposite of what she would normally do (if there was no OM involved).
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Wow, what a turn of events. It had to hit the real rock bottom down and dirty to come to this point that could be considered either good or bad. I hope and pray for the best, especially for the children.
You've come a long way and been through so much and have taken the time to figure out what is going on and how to work at it even in the midst of darkness and hardship. The present moment outcome stated above is what I personally hope for, but my eyes are awakened to your perspective on how things are for you. There are many factors that come into play, let alone the people involved.
Man, if I may say, "stay strong, be true to yourself, and continue to be a rock for your children". No body comes out unscarred in any kind of hurt, but we can try to minimize the long term effect it has on us and our loved ones.
Peace brotha...I'm pulling for healing and happiness for you and your family.
THe last time she was cheating, 7 years ago, and I found out she became cold, and didn't want sex. It wasn't until I scared away the OM that she came crawling back. This time she claims being away from me for 40 days has made her realize how much she has to have me. She says she felt dirty, and cried all night when her and OM had sex. He keeps calling her, but she don't answer. I still don't trust though.
Well she CLAIMS she has talked to her lawyer, and is dropping the whole thing. She is taking about a 2000 dollar loss in the deal. My trust level is still at an all time low right now, and Im actually on guard. It seems too good to be true.
OM contacted me, and said "Well I guess you won the race".
Im still kinda suspect of it all until I see some proof. Im still gonna have to heal quite a bit, and she says shell be patient with me. Ill try not to throw it in her face. God I hope she aint just pulling my leg.
Good luck mattdad, I hope things work out for you and her. Don't try to do it alone or too fast, many times these things need professional help to navigate through the pain so both of you can move forward in your M. If this is the second time she has cheated she may need counseling also to work through the problems she has. And ignore anything OM is saying, not like you can trust a man who is willing to have sex with a M woman anyway. Get the proof you need to know shes serious about working through this and then get help.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
If she gets to come back, easily, she'll have another A. If you decide to reconcile, I hope both of you will get into a good MC to help solve the problem with cheating.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
