"A very wise woman once told me that fear and faith occupy the same brain space and can not coexist. So yes, keep faith. It will blackout that fear you have."
Azzork... love this. Thank you.
PP... catching up on your sitch here tonight. My WW took all the carpets out of the house today. Same as filing for D? Only insomuch as these actions change nothing of the trajectory in which we are already headed. Still. You can't help the tears.
Thinking of you, Praying for you.
And hugs. Dif
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
"A very wise woman once told me that fear and faith occupy the same brain space and can not coexist. So yes, keep faith. It will blackout that fear you have."
Azzork... love this. Thank you.
PP... catching up on your sitch here tonight. My WW took all the carpets out of the house today. Same as filing for D? Only insomuch as these actions change nothing of the trajectory in which we are already headed. Still. You can't help the tears.
Thinking of you, Praying for you.
And hugs. Dif
Thanks Dif, it's just a move in the perceived wrong direction. I know that nothing is certain, but it still hurts to be honest. It brings up all of the hard stuff. The "why can't we have one more shot?" and the "Do you REALLY want this? But we laughed together last weekend..." stuff.
All of it part of the deal I'm sure. As I said, it was a big day, a hard day, and on the learning and spiritual level, a good day. I can say that now and only can after this came up so it was a valuable albeit painful lesson for me.
Onward and upward.
Big hug to you too Dif, sorry to hear about the carpets.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
PP, I love that description of acting as if! Thanks!!!!
Hugs
You are more than welcome E. I hope Azz is right too. I wonder if some kind of deep physics, stuff that's way above my pay grade, would tell us that our attitude does influence the outcome of situations. I certainly hope so.
Big hug back to you E,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Just met with my W for the pooch hand off. As usual it went well. We laughed about old times, joked with each other, caught each other staring at each other. Hugged goodbye, laughed again and off she went.
I'd swear if she hadn't spent 15 minutes explaining her trip to her lawyer's office and how I'm going to get served today or tomorrow that we were still together.
This may be the most cordial divorce in history, and on my end, still one of the most confusing experiences I've ever lived through. It's always so hard to see her, experience how things could be with her now that we've both done so much work, and then have her leave.
The gift of time continues my DB friends. My W still seems confident that she wants to D me, and there doesn't seem to be much standing in her way.
I'll keep focused on turning myself into an H that only a fool would leave. Two weeks with no pup is going to be a challenge, so I'll throw myself back into the self improvement work.
Cheers,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I understand that confusion. We make all these crazy improvements in our lives and it doesn't seem to make a difference(or maybe it does and we just don't see it). Even when were interacting and communicating better than we have in years of M things continue down the path of D.
A point my IC had to drive in during my last session(that we went over in the very beginning early this year) is that this isn't about us(we hear that all the time but I don't think we really hear it all the time). Its not about what they feel for us, if there attracted to us, or even if they love us. It may just be 100% about them and if we accept that it can help set us free.
Just keep telling yourself this is about her journey and nothing more. You have your own to worry about anyway.
Stay strong PP, keep moving forward.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Thanks Fogg, I appreciate your words. And on some level I know you are right. My W looks happier, and healthier than she ever has before. She's doing the work in the world that she wanted to do most when we were M but didn't. She's living in the town she works in and is surrounded by people she really enjoys. That just wasn't the case when she was with me.
So on a very real level, I'm happy for her. I love her and want her to be fulfilled in her life. If you were to ask me if I'd want her to come back to me and live how we lived a year ago I would say no, especially after seeing her thrive like this.
I'm not sure if it's selfish for me to be DB'ing. She doesn't want to be with me but I want to be with her. I'm better than I've ever been before and she's better than she's ever been before.
Is it selfish then to want to create a new relationship with two people who clearly still love and care for each other and are now infinitely better off than they were when they were together? It's really a tough call since we didn't do it the first time around.
I'm going to keep moving forward. I am.
Thanks Fogg,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Not selfish at all and don't assume you know what she wants, she may not even know right now. Again, you both have your paths and who knows where they lead. Whos to say DB'ing wont still lead you to that future together where your both happy and this is just whats needed right now.
We don't know how the future will turn out. The best possible future for each of you may be divorced. It may also end up that the best future is together and you can only see a sliver of the path that leads to it.
Either way things are going to be better than they were a year ago, so keep doing what you want and see how it plays out.
Life has a way of surprising us if we let it.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
