Do not even think about having kids until several years AFTER solving your sexual issues. I have been in a SSM for the last 14 years, adn have 3 little kids, but I would LOVE to divorce my wife and find a REAL woman. Kids will KILL your libido, I know from experience.
As for divorce, if you are christian, according to the bible, divorce is acceptable for the committing of a sexual sin. Cheating is a sexual sin. If the woman does not have enough sex with the spouse, this is a sexual sin. If the man does not meet his wifes needs, this is a sexual sin. All of these are acceptable reasons for divorce, although fixing the marriage is always preferred.
You are going to have to find a way to become sexual, and your husband needs to start by meeting YOUR needs. Then go from there.
Now, Cemar, let's not get into a discussion of what the Bible says about sexual sin. The Bible also says things like do not wear two different types of cloth, thus, wearing my poly-cotton blend shirts is a sin. There's something in there about a woman having to marry her dead-husband's brother, too, but that's not followed either.
Divorce is just not a good road to take for many reasons. You must exhaust all possibilities before making that choice. I chose divorce from my first wife because I thought (rightly so) that I could be a much better parent to my children if I didn't have to deal with her toxicity. I choose to stay with my current wife because our daughter needs us together, and because she's a great woman but for her asexuality.
cattlekid: if religion plays such a big part in your life, have you thought of counseling with your minister or whatever the leader of your religion is called? Perhaps he/she has some ideas. Just a thought.
I think it's great that you are self-motivated to improve your sexuality. I wish your H could get it through his thick head that he is not helping matters.
Welcome. Hi. How ya doing? Okay, now that manners are out the way, here's my input.
1. God invented sex. He invented it to be fun and a reward for the hard work that goes into marriage. By the way, if you check out the Old Testament you will find that God had once a day in mind during those times between monthly.
2. Switch from evening sex to morning. Men tend to "rise" in the morning.
3. Plan for sex. Have your own personal and private schedule book. On those days plan a light day and do things that are soothing. Like a long bubblebath and a full body lotioning.
4. Next time he starts with the women put down remind him that you love him even if sometimes he gets stuck on stupid like all men do.
5. Make a game out of finding out what he considers sexy. Some men are more visual than others. Some go for a scent. One guy I know is a chef. He taught me you can seduce someone with food.
6. Go to church without your panties and tell him after you get there.
7. Don't pull away. Don't get in the habit of pulling away. Get in close even in arguement. Be brave his body is yours to use.
