Thanks to everyone for your replies...I'll take them one at a time.
Tim: I would love to have the type of discussion you described. However, DH is not receptive to this sort of discussion. To him, every time I try to have a talk about my feelings, he shuts down. He throws out something about "all you women watch too much Dawson's Creek" (a direct quote, even though I personally have never watched that television show in my life) and that's the end of the discussion. I find it extremely hard to have a rational discussion with him about this topic. I’d love any ideas on how to start a discussion with him without it degenerating into him trotting out his list of stereotypes regarding women and our behavior.
Also, we are not having kids any time soon. Our financial situation is too precarious right now due to his being out of work for all of 2003. He wants kids sometime but acknowledges that the timing is not right to start a family.
Finally, this will work out. Divorce is not an option due to our religion.
CeMar: I wish I knew what the problem was. I have had successful sexual relationships in the past (and not such successful ones) so I know that there is something there, I just have to find a way to get it back.
Lee: Thanks for the positive reinforcement. That’s why I figure reading the book and putting a plan into place without telling DH about it is the way to go...that way I can get my plan into motion without him telling me all along how it won’t work.
SD: Thanks for your post also. You are totally right, I do enjoy sex when we have it, it’s just getting to the “having it” part that is the problem.
Hairdog: Yes, I’ve talked to my OB/GYN and even gotten a second opinion. Both OBs said it was all in my head and that was the reason for the sex therapist (referral from one OB). I had my primary care doc do a blood thyroid test, that came back normal. I am 33 years old, this whole thing is really starting to piss me off because at one point in time, I was interested in sex. Sex is not painful and like I said to SD, I do enjoy sex when we get around to having it. After reading Chapter 2 of the book, I realize that I have the arousal-desire-release (I think that’s the final word) way of approaching sex which is obviously completely different from DH. I have told him many times that he needs to be the one to initiate because I just don’t have random sexual thoughts like he does. But if he initiates, it is rare that I won’t go along unless I am dead tired.
Oohh..I love your responses. I’m going to use that “do you think what you’re saying makes my heart melt?” one next time I get a comment thrown my way. We’ll see what response I get. Do you need credit? LOL
As far as my definition of SSM, we have sporadic frequency of sex. Sometimes once a week, sometimes once a month or less. Definitely not at all on a schedule that DH would like.
Newlywed1: That is the reason why I am not sharing the book right now. I’ve tried too many other things that haven’t worked so I feel that if I share the book now, he will just cast it aside before I can really digest the whole thing and get a plan into place. But if the time presents itself, I might abandon that plan and share early.
Everyone: Thanks so much for your responses. It is nice to get a male point of view without the negative comments. :-)
