Help. So we are working on our marriage... he is making a good overall effort. I am making an effort until I sabotage things w/ my insecurities. How do you stop the negative interpretations of actions, the insecurities related to the relationship, and the strong urge to pursue?
He gets out of bed w/o giving me a hug & a kiss & I turn it into (in my head) him possibly starting another affair or him tiring of trying & tiring of me. I can come back and say to myself in a more logical thought process- he has a migraine & didn't sleep well... so that is the reason. (But then I find out he didn't sleep well b/c he was worrying about something.. he says it is work stuff but then I question that... is he worrying about the OW or is he worrying about how he isn't feeling anything for me?) So I am paying acute attention to every minor shift in behavior and attitude and trying to interpret that (insecure side has its reasons/meanings it attaches to it & then logical brain side has to talk the insecure side down). This is madness & not enjoyable for me but I cannot quite figure out how to stop it. This morning I just said, "What about my hug/kiss? Did you forget about me?" I'm sure this is definitely not helpful for creating loving feelings from him but if I don't say anything then I feel bad as well... thinking he is definitely not feeling it for me.
So then I think I need to run in the opposite direction. Do my own thing & back off of him. But that is what I did that got us into this mess. I pursued my own happiness outside of the relationship & our marriage suffered. So where is the happy medium?
T: 14 M: 12 D: 9 S: 6 BD: 2/18/15 (H affair) Working on marriage: 3/12/15-6/11/15 Broken Trust (my error): 6/11/15 H ring off: 7/6/15; Comm w/ OW confirmed 7/13/15 H wants to work on fixing things: 7/21/15
