EM, you are on the path. It takes time, it's that simple. Each day try to do your best for yourself and your kids. Your wife will see your kindness and compassion and time will reveal your future.
I know that it is easier said then done. I know that there are no simple answers to complex questions. I know things of value are not achieved without hard work and perseverance. I also know that you will be a new man, a better man if you do the work. Invest in yourself, you can't go wrong.
I need to do the work. My anxiety has latched on to the thoughts of what my wife is doing and who she is with. I have come to find out that she has been telling her male "friends" that she is worry for my sanity, and how I am behaving like a "Single White Female", at this comment she laughed. This is coming from a woman who I have been with for 10 years, have supported, granted I have done my wrong but I have never abandon her.
I am hoping to use this as the kick in my pants that I needed to stop acting like such a weak man, snooping, without self-worth, and self-respect. I need to regain my confidence and my self-worth.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
The trouble with snooping is that it only hurts YOU. There are only two possible outcomes:
1) you find something that you basically already knew, but now confirm. You are hurt.
2) you dont find anything. But if you dont find anything, did you look in the right spot? is it erased before you saw it? You can NEVER be satisfied that there is nothing.
So, once you already essentially know, what point is there in seeking out the gory details?
Thank you Azzork, I know exactly what you mean and I am not in disagreement.
I am finding it that I feel anxious and the compulsion to snoop takes me until I finally do it. I am writing a letter to my W, expressing the hurt I feel from what I found and also telling her that I will stop pursuing, speaking about the R. When it comes to snooping I am hoping that I can tell myself NO and leave the room and refocus on something else. I know the urge will still be there, but I am hoping it will eventually subside.
My W left the house last night told me she would be back late, didn't get home till 5am. I wasn't trying to wait up for her but found myself not being able to go to sleep. I am really considering getting on medication for my anxiety, as these negative thoughts continue to overtake my life. I would really like to focus on myself but find myself back in my obsession with this whole thing.
any suggestions, 2x4, truths that anyone would like to share will be greatly appreciated. I am concern for my mental and emotional health.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
I am writing a letter to my W, expressing the hurt I feel from what I found and also telling her that I will stop pursuing, speaking about the R.
Why is that a letter you need to write? Cant you just DO those things? I think it will have more impact than a letter. All she is going to take from that is that you are invading her privacy. The rest of it is going to wash past her.
In general, actions speak much louder than words. AND doing nothing is an action, and often a powerful one.
Sorry Azzork. The letter wasn't meant to be sent. It was for me to just pour out my thoughts and feelings and sort them out.
I agree that bringing it up will just make things worst because I did invade her privacy, something that I regret doing for many reasons. I agree that taking action is the way to go, I am hoping that learning this truth is the kick in the pants I needed. This morning as I was getting our oldest S ready for school, I didn't say much to her, I was cordial and civil if she asked me anything or if I needed to ask anything myself, but aside from that I left it alone.
I feel so embarrassed and ashamed for doing these things. I have another appt with my IC to continue working on me, although he likes to focus on my marriage most of the time.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
EMMess, man sorry you are going through such a painful situation with your W, she really has no regard for you or the kids, make sure you document all of that with pictures, texts, notes.
Medication will help but ur W will still be stepping all over you, I would ask her to leave, google Fathers right and get a feee lawyer and get custody of the kids ASAP.
She will not change because she doesn't have to, she gets to come home whenever to her family when she decides.
I won't lie ILYNOT, all of this is overwhelming. I just looked at Father's right and the whole idea of going to court only adds to my anxiety. I know it is something I have to continue to look at to make sure I am protecting myself.
I will look into this as well as focus on my mental and emotional states. I am so tired of feeling this way and giving her more reason to just get further away from me, I agree that she shouldn't be out that late specially when there is a major milestone for our children.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
I am currently feeling so drained. I feel tired physically (as I didn't sleep last night due to her being out all night), mentally, and emotionally. Trying to find more holistic ways to cope with my anxiety. Hopefully I can turn this around soon.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
