DBing for my best friend, my W.

[rj2]

She tells me I am completely different from how I used to be. She says "it may not seem like it to you, but you are very very different, and it's very good and all, but it freaks me out sometimes, because I look at you and I'm looking at this person who basically didn't care about me at all for five years, and it's like he's someone else now, it's almost like he's been possessed. You may have always felt like you do now, but its only in the last few months that you're behavior has shown it" And she says, "You are too focused on me, and on doing things for me, it's not healthy, you should be out doing things on your own without me, you need to make sure you're doing what you want to be doing, and I don't want to feel obligated, like you expect something from me, like you expect us to get back together, its pushing me away."

hey renew-

You are close! Just need a little fine-tuning!
Key points about how DB is working here and where you can improve.....she's believing your changes, still not sure- this one just needs time to kick in. You've seen her attitude change because of how you act by now. Isn't it great to start seeing results! Keep up your changes and watch her get even warmer toward you over time.

The part about feeling pressured shows you need to pull back more. That's great W is so open and in touch w. her feelings to be able to vocalize that to you. Many S's just feel pressured, but wouldn't know how to express it directly, and just run away. IMHO, chill out on asking her to do things. That's the pressure part. Asking her for what you want, rather than following her flow. Think it's almost worth a trial of a week or two when you don't ask her to do anything. May be suprised how great it works, since she's starting to be at a point where she is feeling more towards you again. And since you're seeing her everyday, having dinner here and there, watching tv, etc..(that already IS you "doing things" together- just secretly know that. Living w. someone for a period of time, and having been intimate, that's the closest R a person can have- know that you are #1, regardless of OM or whatever she says.) I haven't been asking my H to do things, do things on my own with other people, and then he asks ME to do things- it's the sweet spot of DB. Like right now, W is oversaturated with offers to do things, if that disappears, W will likely miss it- and reach out to you. Esp when the "new you" is so attractive! I definitely agree on avoiding R talks too. If she brings stuff up, validate briefly and then maybe change topic casually.

Hey are you on IM at all? If you ever want to chat, I've got yahoo messenger- robinsmiles2000. Keep it up! Your sitch is definitely improving!