DBing for my best friend, my W.

[ObiWan]

yes you have to back off a bit and detach. I COMPLETELY understand when she talks about OM and you want to jump in and be there with her instead.

I remind her again that I'm doing this for me, I've already made my choices and am happy with them, that I want a healthy relationship, and if its not with her, if its with someone else, then that's how it is. I also tell her that she already knows that I don't want a D, that I love her, I want to be married to her, I think we can work it out, but that I'm ok with whatever she feels she needs to do to be happy, and I don't want to pressure her, I don't feel like I need to repeat that I am fine doing what I am doing. I tell her I will try to be around less. I even tell her we've been having way too many talks about us lately.

Good speech - that is one of the ky points of DB. You are doing this for you, to make SOME relationship, with W or someone else better. That is all she needs to know.

Whoa. So, yes, I was probably pursuing and clingy when she came in. I messed up, I don't know why I can't seem to stick to the rules all the time. I really hope this didn't cost me too much. But WTF with her wanting to go to one of my IC sessions? On the one hand it scares me, because she really skinned me alive in our MC sessions. On the other hand, it could turn out to be a beneficial thing. I'm feeling kind of like it might be worth it to take the risk, but I plan to ask my IC about it before making any decisions. And about the pushing her away comment... why would she actually come out and tell me this? It kind of threw me.

She's telling you this because it's the truth - persuit when it's not wanted drives them away. Pressure drives them away. Stop doing it.

Dont be afraid of the MC session - ANY talking by her, esp with a third party who can mediate and draw out issues is a GOOD THING. My W has talked about possibly going back with me occasionally. I'm dying for it to happen; the last session we had together she left manic, and I left in tears. Communication is a good thing.

You're seeing baby steps - dont jump the gun.