Thursday 08 April: W and I see each other briefly in the evening. For some reason she is still wanting to know more about why I'm not dating, telling me it would make things a lot easier for her. She is asking me why I'm not interested in any of all the other "pretty packages" out there--I have no idea where the term pretty package came from. We are friendly, but I'm beginning to feel a little tired of repeating this convo ad nauseum. I tell her nicely but frankly that I don't want to have this conversation because she knows where I stand. On her way out the door she says she is staying at OM's (I knew this already) and she won't see me till tomorrow. And then something very strange and wonderful happens. We're both looking right into each other's eyes only about a foot apart, and we both move towards each other and kiss each other on the cheek. Yummy!!! And then she leaves. Bummer. I go out for a few hours with some friends and have a great time.
Friday 09 April: I'd taken most of Friday off from work. I get up early to clean the house because W has appraiser coming by so she can refinance. W comes home around 9, is a little surprised that I am home cleaning instead of at the office. We chat for a little while, she about OM. At some point though, I just say OK, time to clean, and I get back to cleaning. I leave shortly after the appraiser arrives because I have a lunch appointment. W is very talkative when I return. More about OM, more about her feelings for me, etcetera. I really don't know what to do except listen and validate again. We talked for quite awhile, and I was only able to get into the office for about an hour. I can't at this point remember everything that was said, and a lot of the things we talked about we've said before, but a few things stick out... --She now says she no longer fears that I would change back, she thinks I really will stay the way I've become. Rather, her fear now, is that she will never be able to forget the bad memories. She fears that the bad memories will haunt her. She said, and I think this is the very first time that she has admitted this--that she thinks that this stems from her still having some resentment and hurt. She has always maintained through the entire process that she had moved on, and didn't have any resentment. --She likes that OM is concerned about my feelings, that he respects me, how it makes him a very respectful person... yada yada. I just kept my mouth shut through all of this. Whether this is true or not just seems irrelevant to me. He is dating my wife. I don't think he's a bad person, and I don't wish him any ill will, but how respectful can you be when you've got someone else's wife sleeping at your house 3 or 4 nights a week? I don't know. --She now says that she doesn't tell OM as much about me, or what her and I do together, she doesn't share much of my personal history with him, contradicting what she has said before about this topic. (This may or may not be significant, but... I recently told W about how a couple in a marriage must draw a circle of love around the 2 of themselves, and that noone else is allowed inside the circle; that when you share intimate things with others, love leaks out of the circle... Soooo, how come she tells me SO much about OM, but is now saying that she doesn't tell him much about me? hmm.) --She made up this wonderful little analogy: she feels like she just got off of a big relationship rollercoaster with me, and she 's like wow, that ride was a scary. So now she's in the kiddie section of the park just riding the teacup ride or the merry go round. The problem she faces now she says is that I and OM both want her to ride the roller coaster again with one of us, and she's not sure if she's ready to leave the teacup ride yet. --She says that she thinks that I think that she has issues about her appearance and attractiveness. She says that she does not, she's just being realistic about her appearance. She also told me that when I say she is beautiful, she thinks it is because I am trying to make her feel better, and so she responds the way she does. She says she just accepts the compliment for what it is when she receives it from others. (It hurt to hear this.)
She was very friendly with me all day, and I got a hug (woohoo!) from her as she left to go to her parents.
I called W's cell later that night to see if she had arrived safely and got her VM. I went out with friends to a couple clubs. At one club I actually met a woman who has been separated for a month. She lives probably less than a mile away from me. She and her H were renovating an old house just like W and I. And they have similar careers to us (more and more of these twilight zone 'coincidences' keep occurring to W and I). Her H moved into an apartment, told her they had grown apart. She says she isn't dating until the S is over and they D. She was so mad when he broke the news, that she threw off and lost her wedding ring shortly afterwards. Before I left, I gave her a very innocent tiny kiss on the cheek, and told her to tell her H she had lots of cute guys hitting on her. She did and said the same to me, and we both laughed and wished each other well.
Saturday 10 April: I got quite a bit done around the house. No contact from W.
