My lizard and her tunnel ...

[late30s]

Yeah, getting past an affair can really hurt or help a relationship. Hard to say which until after the race is run. You're not done running the race, so no way to tell how either of your actions will work out.

My suggestion for your W and the coming eviction? I suggest you not let her back nor try to help her. You can do both compassionately but firmly. I doubt seriously it is in either of you best interest to be together at the moment.

I agree here, but I am worried. How do I approach it with the kids if she finds herself homeless? So far I have been their rock. I have been reliable for them. I don't know how to tell them that their mother isn't welcome back here -- even if she is homeless.

As much as you'd like the past to be reconciled, that's really what MLC is about isn't it? Reconciling one's past. If you can step past the idea of liking it to be over, what are some other steps you can take? One suggestion is to really be a better listener. You can see how hard it is, right? And as much as I imagine the affair hurt her, I doubt that's the whole story at this point as to what she needs to reconcile in her past.

I will take your suggestion to heart. Some others that come to mind coincide with the direction Late2.0 is headed. Less critical, firm control over my temper, healthy outlets for anger and jealousy. And above all, kindness.

Yesterday is yesterday, and what she does or doesn't do is up to her. You on the other hand need to focus on you and what you can do. This time apart might be a good thing for you

I can see the good in it too. The hardest part for me is the lack of progress. Forward or backwards. I like to be able to solve problems, get a game plan together and attack them. This stagnant, patient approach is grueling. There are days when it saps all of my endurance, all of my strength.

AJ

You are such a wise man, sir. Thank you for taking the time to pass your wisdom on to my situation.