hold on!! - 12

[u-turn]

I wanted to go back in time a little and respond to some of the great help that y'all have been offering me. Thank you so much.

A piece of advise: If W is earning more than you, you can petition for some spousal support so that you can maintain the same standard of living you had pre-D. That's on top of child support if S18 wants to live with you full time. At least those are the laws in my jurisdiction. Make sure your lawyer gets you all that you deserve.

W will be totally freaked out by that reality if that's the case in your jurisdiction. But hey, what does she expect? She really did choose this without appreciating all the consequences. Time for a bit of reality, a bite of reality.

I don't mean to be spiteful or vengeful, but she made her bed, and now has to sleep in it. You deserve every benefit available to you by law. Don't sell yourself short. This is business. Let the psychologists worry about the emotional parts. The lawyers and accountants need to look out for your best interests going forward.

You will be ok.

Peter - I appreciate you being open about your past financial situation with your D. It sounds as though you certainly got the short end of the stick with that one. It does make me think that I need to treat this as a complete business transaction and try to remove my feelings and stifle my current feelings that keep creeping up that I want to give her comfort over my own. We certainly do not have as much to divide, but it is all relative I guess.

She is putting herself out by moving without fighting, I don't think she intends on taking much from the house, she's borrowing money from her own 401k to purchase some things (her place doesn't have appliances).

I feel like this D will put us both back a decade. With my feelings about money, I feel like I am ok starting over - I am sad that I may not be able to give my kids what I wanted to or planned to. Maybe I will recover more quickly than I think. I did work with my fin adviser at school to make my retirement account more aggressive so hopefully some day I can retire. I never set anything up while I was only running my business as we seemingly needed every penny I made and later when I started teaching, I played it very safe and didn't add much. I am hoping it is not too late for me.

Thanks Peter

Sunny - thank you for your insight

As far as child sharing, a court is not going to overrule something you both agree on. My state ages out at 18, so if yours does, you only need to consider the 15 year old as far as a time sharing schedule. S18 can stay where he wants. But even D15 is old enough that she can participate in the decision. My D was 16 when H moved out, and we didn't set a schedule for her. She stays with me full time, has dinner with her dad when they both feel like it. Sad to me, but I'm not going to force more on her, and wisely, neither is STBX.

I do believe this is true - WW seems to think that the courts will not give me the time that I want. W seems to know that S18 is going to do whatever he wants and should be allowed to. D15 will be shared time and it seems that she will not fight me on the equality of it. I really think we can put together a timeline that can be agreeable by all.

I still think that W has not intention on getting a L but it is to be seen when this moves further along. I don't know if she has been served yet even and the initial court date is quickly approaching on Oct 1.


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more to come