V I just had some emotional flooding! I can journal on paper as I'm at the race track so here it goes! Ex came over to see kids asked if I had a good day just shook my head asked if I was having fun again shook my head yes! Then went to smoke and he came with showed him a shirt I got for his oldest. He asked if I got vacation all week I told him last week I didn't and I needed him to come home. I do not feel like I should have to drag kids out to babysitter at 5 am so he could camp with ow. (I did not tell him that part) so when he asked me today I snapped back no nevermind I'll just take Them to the sitter. He replied very kindly I was just asking if I needed to come home I can be there in the morning. By now I'm annoyed he even asked as I've told him several times. Then I asked if he was working this week and he said no. I then got even more upset (as he failed to mention to me he was not working all week meaning he goes unpaid he has no vacation) so I asked how are we going to pay bills had u told me I could have gone and worked overtime and not come out to the races to make sure things could be paid! He responds we will figure it out. I said u mean I will figure it out. He responds no I can start paying my own bills I'm so sick of it being all about you! I'm going back to the other side to you want a hug or no? I said sure! I then text him and said I didn't mean for it to sound all about me I just simply wish you would have said u weren't working so I could get it figured out. I am sorry you felt it is all about me I'm glad u r out here doing what you love!....I am glad he can come out and race I'm glad OW is paying for it and not me but seriously some responsibility would be GREAT! Are they ever responsible??? Anyways how did I feel! I felt me lose eye contact jaw tighten tests in my eyes increased heart rate and I wanted to spew but I didn't no reason to fight he feels he is justified to do what he wants and apparently justified in not telling me that he is not working! Nothing I say will make him see it's irresponsible! So what could I have done differently STFU and say ok no big deal! (I should have known anyways and why ruin a moment he made time to come see us)
