Alligator Love

[Vanilla]

I appreciate your reading and posting. Here's what I see when I read those posts:

You really should just accept yourself as you are and really work on...

You know it's ok to just be?

It's so strange. It's like I'm being told "what's wrong with you, don't you know there's nothing wrong with you, you don't need to make changes to be ok with yourself, so pull it together and change your attitude!"

I'm not dismissing or arguing. Just explaining why this is confusing to me.

Actually the two quotes say almost the same thing in slightly different ways. Although I prefer choices rather than absolutes. Separate the human being from the human doing. The core higher power of Zues, the insight, love, strength and just plain ole cussed is just fine. Zues is as he is and is perfectly fine. It's the expression of Zues that has let him feel that his core is unworthy. Zues wants to change his past behaviours, some of the things are unexeceptable to Zues today. That is how Zues expresses himself and like the rest of us here, can change, improve his behaviours to give the best and to get a better result for Zues. It's the behaviour and beliefs that could be changed because this performs better. In essence gives Zues the best and easiest path in life, helps him achieve his goals.

I feel like I am pretty ok with who I am but that it's others that have a problem with me, so I have been disappointed with myself because I can't win. Whether that means watching both of my partners citing my faults and walking out on me, or just never finding the right words to have everyone on the forums say 'hey Z, glad you're having fun on the road' (which I understand because this forum is devoted to growth and positive life changers).

If others have a problem with Zues and Zues is authentic to Zues at his core, that's their issue. What others think of you is their business not yours. What you think of you is more important. Your partners are citing what they see as your faults (behaviours) see this as feedback and if it's valid change the behaviour if that's important to you.

So to me it is more about lowering my expectations from being able to meet everyone's standards, to knowing who I am and being ok with it even if those around me throw stones.

why have expectations? Meet your own standards!

Interesting to mull over.

For now though I am closer to just being than I ever have been. It's alright.

This is a pivot statement and very important. Just to be is enough.

V