I'm always of the "yes, do it" minority. What have you got to lose?? You sound nearly done with her yourself. SHE is running out of time.

But she still works with OM and I have no doubt the affair is continuing. She's still conflicted but paralyzed by the "what ifs".

If you do....remember my "she's gotta leave that job" demand I outlined for you months and months ago. It's gotta be your number one requirement right now.

The last ditch letter would include:


1 - You love her.
2 - You want to stay married.
3 - You are sorry for your part in bringng the marriage to the state it is. Also that you are learning how to make a relationship better and take into account the other persons feelings with all your actions.
4 - You have to cut off all contact because of the pain of her obviously continuing affair and her leading you on.
5 - You will agree to contact again when she gives up the affair and agrees to take the necessary steps for recovery.
6 - You love her

It's been long enough. If you divorce...she's not your friend. She never really will be and it's unhealthy for you (and a bad example to your child) to maintain a friendship with someone that has abused you to the extent she has. Your wife MAY be on the fence right now. Maybe the threat of finally pulling back and going dark on her will push her over the edge towards finally making a choice. Staying available to her obviously ins't working. Maybe a few weeks of actually being unavailable to her will make a difference (she doesn't know what she's going to be losing yet...because she hasn't yet been faced with actually losing it...waywards always think they are entitled to your never ending love, care and sacrifice).


As far as mediation - maybe you will get a great offer you'd be a fool not to take. Going dark for few days or a week ahead of it may push her to try to be nicer to get you back meeting her needs. However, usually mediation is worthless because the wayward wife feels entitled to demand and take everything without any compromise. When that happens you'll find the mediators pressuring you to take the deal...and compromise everything because working on you appears to be more fruitful towards reaching a settlement. Remember...their goal is to facilitate a settlement NOT fairness. You don't have to agree to anything. Usually I recommend avoiding face to face mediation. Let your attorney be the bad guy while you just state you'd rather save your marriage than negotiate at all.

The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!