This chit just seems to never end you know? My only real wish at this point is that it gets better.
I really do think that my best best is to just STFU.
She sent me a text chiding me of "This is unacceptable behavior Heavy" makes me want to barf. The unacceptable behavior is non interaction with her. Again, she tries to bully me into accepting what she feels is unacceptable behavior. Oh, the irony abounds but again, I won't get into it, there is just no point.
But, this is bait and I won't nibble at it. She like to poke the bear (me) hoping for a response, which I don't give. I don't react or respond not out of spite but just to end the drama and escalation aspects.
Control, yes, Asitis, that does seem to be a major part of this situation. She wants to control me and expects me to jump to her commands. That part of my life is over. I did that to my detriment for many years. That is not love but unhealthy codependence on my part. I thought if I jumped high enough, she would love me. If I did her bidding she would not leave, I did so many things to try and please her, all in an attempt to be who she wanted. So, I lost my self respect, my ability to trust my emotions and what is best for me. I have been working hard to recognize that and change it every time I see it. I am not being mean about it just ignoring her.
I realize now this will be a life long process. Oh well, might as well go out fully aware.
Another thing I realized is that I have a lot more friends than I realized. People like me for me not because I was an extension of someone else. I am more social now than I have been in a long long time. I drove us out to the County Fair which was 50 miles away, planned the trip, packed the supplies and wrote down where we parked and just had a good time ....ALL BY MYSELF (and kids). That is a real accomplishment for me. It made me feel good to be able to be independent. It was still a little scary but I can do it.
