(Sorry, another long post, but lots to report I think.)
W talks more about the OM...
W continues to talk to me about OM more and more, expressing her doubts about him, and how much these doubts bother her, but always coaching the doubts with niceties about him. She likes him for how respectful and nice he is to her, how he is a very talkative and fun person to be with. But she's expressed a little bit of discomfort that since she met him he's basically dumped every detail of his entire life story on her. She also thinks he (a) is rather insecure about himself, (b) is often ashamed of his past relationships, (c) may have some issues relating to seeing women as objects, and (d) may have some jealousy issues (not just in relation to me, but also towards 2 other men W went on one date each with). I recently joked that W should bring OM by the house one morning and we could all have coffee together. She said, "Yeah right, that wouldn't work, he'd be way too nervous."
She appears to be getting irritated by his anxiousness. She's told him that she wants to go slow, and that she's still trying to figure out what she wants. She thinks that he should just get the hint that her spending time with him means she likes him, that--in her own words-- her "actions speak louder than words," something she feels very strongly about. (So if she's so big on "actions speaking louder than words", like she says she is, what do her actions with me over the last few months, and even over the last 24 hours--see below--mean?)
W is upset that OM has on more than one occasion started telling her how many opportunities for dates he gets all the time, like he "needs to prove his attractiveness." W says this leaves a bad taste in her mouth, like finding a bone or something disgusting in a piece of food you you've just bitten into. W also says that because of what we went through, her radar for strange male behavior and emotional wierdness is much more heightened. She is concerned that his past relationships caused him emotional trouble that he can't get past, even though he says he has. Nonetheless she continues to spend more time with him, sometimes as many as four nights a week. Go figure.
Update...
Friday: W stayed home. We ate dinner together and talked all night--no TV--staying up until 2 am. We were both really tired but we just stayed up anyway. Awhile after dinner, we were chatting on the couch, and I was laying back on the couch like I normally might, she sitting near my feet. She kept leaning back every time she yawned. So the third or fourth time I just gave her a light push on the shoulder, she fell back lightly without resisting, I reached down grabbed her feet and swung them over between my legs, so we were crossed opposite each other on the sofa with her feet on my shoulders, and I massaged her calfs. I could no longer resist the opportunity for PT, and I caved. At first she said kind of sleepily and jokingly, "What'd you push me for?" But then she just laid back and closed her eyes. We stayed like that for maybe 30 minutes, and she almost fell asleep like that.
Saturday: We were supposed to work on the yard, but it was chilly and drizzling. Instead, we hung out around the house talking while we took care of little things like me cleaning out my closet and her doing her nails (the closet is directly across from the bathroom). We were then going to go to the gym, but we got pleasantly "sidetracked" into clothes shopping for her in three different stores (more marvelous little fashion shows, very very fun), as well as peeking into a furniture store and an antique store. On top of all that public activity together, we actually ate a late lunch together at a local cafe, which for me meets my goal of us eating out together. I was ecstatic. On the downside my back is still sore and recovering. I'd been playing it down for the past few days, but getting up from the table I was hit with a muscle cramp and there was no playing that off. W came around the table and massaged the cramp out for me, and we left to do a little more shopping. Overall, though, we had a really good time, a lot of fun. She even remarked later that she knew OM could have seen us while we were out, and then just shrugged her shoulders and said, "Oh well."
Sunday: (Saturday night she goes out with OM). She's back early Sunday morning before I'm even out of bed. She comes into my room to tcikle my feet and tell me its time to get up, and then goes into her room and lies down. I get up, shower, and get dressed. I come in and--yes I know I shouldn't have--lie down right behind her and rub her back a little saying what a sleepy little girl she is, saying how great it is the weather is nicer for working on the yard. She tells me that OM had a dream last night that I came into his house to wake him and W up in the morning and then I urinated on his floor. I said it wasn't that strange at all: typical male stuff about marking territory and all that. W knew exactly what I meant, we both laughed. I rub her back for just a few more minutes and I get up, not wanting to wear out my welcome. I go downstairs, drink my coffee, mow the lawn, and make breakfast.
I come upstairs with her coffee saying breakfast is ready. She's already up and in the bathroom saying cheerily that she smelled the bacon. Over breakfast she talks even more about OM, me, and her life... OM has just can't seem to understand how she and I are doing what we're doing, living together and being so happy and friendly with each other. She has explained to OM that I am still living her because she and I aren't resentful people, becuase we care about each other, because we just want each other to be happy. W says she's told OM more stuff about me (about how I used to be, why she thinks I was like that, about some of my friends...). It bothers me a little that she's divulging this stuff to him, but I just listen, she's told me plenty aobut him too. She says another reason she tells me so much about him is that because she (a) has a relationship with me where she feels like we can tell each other anything, and (b) doesn't feel like she can tell anyone in her family everything she tells me.
OM calls just after we just finish eating, he wants to know if she wants to go eat brunch with him. She is giggly and cheery with him, but I am sitting there right next to her, and she does look right at me (smiling) several times during the conversation. She tells him that she already ate, that she has yardwork to do, and that she'll see him tonight. I help her with the yard for an hour or two before having to do some work for the office. She gets a little cranky while we're putting some edging down. She says its PMS and that I need to be less cheery and more quiet.
While we're placing a stake in the ground she goes, "Ouch!" I think I've pinched her finger, but no. She jumps away and shouts ouch again and starts dancing and swatting her butt. There's a bug in her pants! I tell her to get inside and take off her pants, and I run ahead of her and hold the door open for her. She gets inside and drops 'em. No sign of the bug, he must have fallen out during the run. She has me check for bug bites! Then she sits down on the bench inspecting every square inch of her pants before she'll put them back on. I start laughing, then get a fake serious look saying no its not funny, then start laughing again and we're both laughing our butts off. Har har.
She's going away next weekend to spend Easter with family at her parent's house. I really do wonder what that will be like for her. I hope it gives her some time to get away for a little while and relax. I like her family a lot, and I'm just a little bummed that I won't get to see them, but considering our sitch as it is right now, I'm not going to fret over it.
Summary...
So I continue to see babysteps, they keep occurring. The pace sometimes seems like molasses on a very cold day, and the whole OM deal is a really big bug in my knickers, but I have to say that my sitch does continue to show gradual improvement. She continues to flip flop (unconsciously?) back and forth between we and I statements when she talks about the house and the future. And I get the impression that she honestly appreciates the things I'm doing like the cleaning, and helping with the house, and making dinner, etcetera. She's been engaging me in more and more conversations about plans for the house, she gets excited about me making dinner, she talks about us cleaning together. And heck, just before I overdid my back, she was talking about us going trail running together.
