We all need to be hit with a 2x4 by a friend on here from time to time. We'll be glad to oblige you.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
This morning has been a little mixed. things are so strange. I worked at one of my restaurants for dinner last night. W went to gym with kids as usual when i am there. After gym she came there for dinner with kids and a friend. I tried to be friendly but also not invade on space. I wanted to stay away, of course my children are there so I kept checking in on them. When they were finishing up I was done with work as well and S4 wanted to ride with me so we began walking towards the door as they were all getting up and wife makes a point to say goodbye like we were being rude for not saying goodbye. i just pleasantly turned and said see you in a few minutes at home with a smile. (we live 2 miles away). It is so strange because she acts like nothing is wrong most of the time except when she feels a certain way.
tonight she will be going out with friends and these times are difficult for me while living in the same house.
SO....GAL for today is that i am going to leave work early and get the kids to go to a waterpark. I will make sure we are not home while she is getting ready to go out. Then we will head home to clean up and then find something else to do to try and occupy the night. I really need to find a way to have adult interactions while i am with the kids as well or i find my self thinking entirely too much.
Yesterday felt really good and i am trying to think the same things and get back to that place.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I thought I would check in on your sitch we do seem to have a fair bit in common even down to our DB Coach Chuck
One thing that really helps me is when I am having a good day I tell myself that if I can be feeling like this now then there is no reason why I cannot find theese thoughts and feelings again
Your feelings come directly from your thoughts so you actually feel your thoughts if you did not think about your problems then you would not get upset now the other thing I know is you cannot control your thoughts they come and go and each day your have 1000s of thoughts..
Be strong you will get through this
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
weekend was interesting. I have been absorbing myself doing things and spending plenty of time with the kids. I have made myself act as if I am not interested in what W is doing and the situation is not affecting me. I have seen and experienced some confusing behavior from her.
As I was washing my truck I saw her messing with something on hers. could tell something wasn't right and instead of usual rush over and ask if I could help I stayed away. Eventually she came to me to tell me about what was wrong with hers. I gave her a hand but there was an electrical issue. I told her it would have to go to the dealership and left her alone.
Later I was heading to the grocery store to get some things to grill. I asked if she was going to be home for dinner. she said she hadn't thought about it. I informed her I would get enough for her if she was going to be there otherwise I wouldn't buy that much. I finally had to flat out ask if she was eating. While I was cooking she came out to me asking about the coming weekend plans about heading to her fathers campground and timelines. I let her know my intentions and she said ok then proceeded to ask me if I could get her into a country concert coming up through some of the people I do business with. I was shocked, this is the night before we are supposed to meet with a separation mediator. I danced around the topic and made it seem I wasn't sure. during dinner she was going on schedules coming up for the kids and her danc e classes she teaches and how they will be at certain classes. I was thinking to myself, how does she not realize nothing can be figured out right now as we have no clue what custody will b e like.
then today I was going to pick up the kids from the dealership so they wouldn't have to sit there as the truck was being fixed. she needed a ride aswell. we stopped at a store for my son to get something and she was asking to conme look at some lamps she really liked. I told her they were nice, then asked what is she looking at them for? she said for the bedroom, (the one she has not slept in for 4.5 months). I kind of just walked away. How is she looking into or thinking like this? she knows she can not keep the house and either way we will not be living in it together, why would she be asking me about the lamps?
I know these are confusing times, but is she going crazy or does she not believe her life is about to change drastically?
im lost. Heading to the appointment in a few hours. I am going to continue acting as this is not affecting me and go along.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Just an update. Been spending a lot of time with the kids and having a blast. Her appointment was a flop. The group told her this was going to cost 40k to get done. She was not happy about that. She has begun asking me to contact the marriage therapist to help with th separation agreement. She has brought it up multiple times since and she knows I am going this week and will get more details. I have remained calm about it all but it is killing me. The only thing I said is that there seems to be a big push lately. I feel like she is getting outside pressure to get this done.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Another update, as i posted in other threads the wife is different from hour to hour. Sometimes stone cold and others chipper. dont get it. I have been doing a lot for myself and with kids. I am also feeling bad for the kids as W does not spend much time with them other than when i am away. she just takes them to her gym or makes them play by themselves.
My emotions go up and down, for a while last night i felt great and positive knowing i will be fine in the end, but the interim is very difficult.
I know the main advice here is to GAL and Detach so we are not so hurt by everything but i know the ultimate goal for many of us is to reconcile. seems counterproductive and i know it wont make sense either.I am willing to move forward with the S and have us live separately but i am doing in hope of something changing after we are not in the same house. this is probably not what i am supposed to do, but something in my head is still telling me she will wake up one day and say "oh crap" what did i do.
I know the quicker i get that thought out of my head the better, but .......man it is tough
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
The same thing goes through my head. I keep thinking that she will wake up one day and come running to apologize. And yes it is very tough to get this thought out of my head as well.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
I do have a question for everyone. My wife has continually said she wants to make the separation as easy as possible. doesnt want to involve courts and lawyers as much as we can. she has asked me to help find someone to get a separation agreement together. I have a really hard time doing this as it is not what i want let alone be the one doing the work for it. I know a 180 would be doing it to show her i am moving on but any thoughts out there?
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
After gym she came there for dinner with kids and a friend. I tried to be friendly but also not invade on space. I wanted to stay away, of course my children are there so I kept checking in on them. When they were finishing up I was done with work as well and S4 wanted to ride with me so we began walking towards the door as they were all getting up and wife makes a point to say goodbye like we were being rude for not saying goodbye.
That was a setup. She did it b/c of the friend who was watching how rude you were being to the poor little W.
Doing 180's does not mean caving to every thing she wants. She will play you like a toy. Staying home to keep the kids while she goes out? You won't score any brownie points by doing it. At this point and time, you could kill yourself trying to show her how unselfish you are......and she could not care less. I'm not saying to act like a selfish jerk, I'm just saying trying to prove it to her will do no good.
Quote:
tonight she will be going out with friends and these times are difficult for me while living in the same house
Yeah? Well how much does she get to see you go out while she stays home with the kids at night? Oh I know, you will refer back to what she said you always did in the past. That was the past. I promise you that staying home every night she goes out is not working to help you. She needs to see you going out just as much as she is going.
You had enough sense to know you couldn't leave your credit card in her hands. Would you do a 180 and give it back to her now? No! You just don't 180 some things.
Stay balanced in these things you are reading and learning.
Did you go back and read the link on detaching? Too many people slide over it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I read on the detaching a few times a week trying to make sure I stay focused.
The past few days I have definitely distanced myself from her on the interactions. Just as every other time I have done this she walked intoy room this evening and asked if we can discuss some things in the next few days. She knows I was going to talk to counselor about helping draft a separation agreement. I told her I was going tomorrow to find out how she can help and how to get started. I just feel every time I try to move forward and show a different attitude she brings something up to test me. I fought every urge to ask questions or talk and left it at I would let her know after the appointment. I get emotional when she does this but stayed calm in front of her. I also sense she is rushing something formal to let her move on to someone she has waiting. I know there is nothing in a do about that if so. It still hurts. Anyone seen the pattern before though on every time I feel at peace and dealing with things and detaching myself more from her she tries to shake me up? I know true detachment would t care and I know I am not there yet.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
