I don't think you backslid, Renew. You will backslide now if you don't take care of your back. Same here, I have a back issue from years ago and when I don't go see my chiropractor for it, my H goes nuts. So, I know not to mention it to him unless I have a. already made an appt to see chiro or b. have just gotten back from appt. Then, and only then, is it OK for me to talk about being in pain.
Quote: ...she just leans back into my legs like they were her back rest, and she stayed that way for until the end of the show we were watching.
Very nice baby step. You must be very proud of her comfort level going up. Remember, listen to her actions, not her words.
Quote: ...about how I could have any woman I wanted, how I could have a different girl every week.
How would she react if you went out on a non-sexual date with a woman? Just a friend. Would she be jealous?
Quote: --and this also comes from the way she complains about her appearance to me often, how this or that about her is so far from perfect--which makes me nuts that she could think that way, because I see the most beautiful woman whenever I look at her
This definitely can be her issue. Look at me. Although I'm overweight now, I have still recently had several good looking men make passes at me. When I look in the mirror, I am disappointed. But I have had many men fall in love with me and tell me I am beautiful. When my H would look at me and tell me I was beautiful, he would CRY. I mean, a 6'2" triple black belt in karate would CRY when he looked at me. He would say "God you are so beautiful. You sparkle, when you enter a room, it lights up. Your smile is beautiful... etc." I would respond "No I'm not, one eye is bigger than the other, my teeth are not white enough, I have a wrinkle around my eyes, I have begun to get grey hair..." and on and on and on.
I have no doubt that I really am beautiful. My mom was a model, I look very much like her. When I enter a room, men take notice. Even so, the love of a man that I would have given my soul for, who loved me more than life itself, was not enough to make me **feel** beautiful.
It seemed that the more he told me I was beautiful, the more I would tell him I was not. It was like the old push and push harder issue in DB. When you push to make the spouse feel something, they push harder the opposite way. I recently began to realize that I wasn't happy with myself inside and didn't feel beautiful because of who I had become. I wanted desperately for my H to realize this, and when he refused to see how awful I felt about myself, how bad of a person I really was, and insisted I was beautiful, I just had to fight him.
Now I regret ever having said I wasn't. I long for the days of him loving me with such abandon.
So, with that in mind, I would suggest to you that you do not mention to her that you think she is beautiful more than once. When she says she is not, respond "you can't tell me what to feel. I feel that you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen (as you have hinted at) and when I look at you, I can see only what I see. If you don't feel beautiful, perhaps there are other reasons because I don't feel it can be your outside. I love your inside also, but if you need help changing, I am here for you."
I say that because I would have responded to that.
