I need help as to setting up goals and boundries. I read some where if you ignore your s then your pushing him/her out the door. They said out of site out of mind. I'm starting to panic..
Calm down, overcome. Take a few deep breaths.
There are many different theories out there on how to behave and theres no guarantees that ANY of them will work. In some cases, the spouse's mind is closed and just never re-opens.
Here's the thing, minimizing the contact and pursuit does several things - all of which are good for you. 1) you follow his wishes by giving him the space that he is asking for
2) by giving him the pace, you are letting him live the life that he thinks he wants. He wont learn whether or not the grass is actually greener until he goes and looks at it. Without going and checking it out, in his mind, it will always be incredibly green.
3) It gives YOU the space to detach and untangle your feelings from him. If youre always chasing after him, always getting yourself hurt, theres no way for you to start the healing and growing process.
So what if he's not seeing you right now? There are songs or objects or TV shows or people or whatever that will remind him of you. And you will still talk about your children every so often. You arent COMPLETELY off of his grid.
But hes not going to come back to your old relationship. So you need to make changes. And the first ones need to be your confidence, your self worth, your own sense of well being.
So start simple: - you wont cry about him today - you will have one genuine laugh today - you will give your son two big hugs today - you will treat yourself to one special food item if you complete your other goals.
How about that? Then we can start working on longer term stuff?
