Halo, thanks for the hugs and prayers!!! Anita, thanks for your comments, you have regularly given me unique insight into my sitch, and it is always appreciated.
Renew's lesson of the day: don't push yourself so hard, take care of yourself. (Don't be a fool like me )
For the last week or so I've been burning the proverbial candle at too many ends: I've been putting in extra time at the office, participating in activities to get a life, working out hard at the gym, making a number of long car trips, and staying up late hanging out w/ W on the few nights when we're both home together. Well, it caught up with me. I had an L4/5 microdiscectomy a few years ago, and every time I start to push hard like this it comes back to haunt me. I could barely get out of bed this morning, and will be missing a client presentation because of it. Not good. On top of that, I really get the impression from W that when the back acts up, its a sign that I'm not doing such a great job taking care of my health. W couldn't help but notice last night that I was having a little trouble moving around, and she knew--immediately started talking about how I need to be more careful, how I shouldn't be staying up late for her, how I need to slow down at the gym, etcetera.
So, I'm having to work from home today, and maybe tomorrow too. When I came home this morning after briefing someone else at the office so they could make the presentation for me, W was feisty (in the not so good way) and cranky. She snapped at me for being too happy and talkative when she hadn't even woken up yet. She even snapped at the cat for purring too loud. The only "good" thing was that she said the old me would have bitten her head off for her being loud in the morning while I was still asleep (which is at least another sign that she knows how much I've changed). She eased up later in the morning and we chatted about some of the renovation work we need to do around the house over the next few months. But I get the feeling this is a backslide (pun intended) for me, and I just hope it doesn't cost me too much.
So do yourself a favor and don't be a fool like Renew has been this past week. Learn from my mistakes and take care of yourself!
Other little updates... Before the back thing came up, we were watching "Extreme Makeover" together. I was sort of lying on my back with my legs crossed and lifted against the back of the couch. She was sitting up on the edge of the couch near my legs. 15 minutes before the end of the show she just leans back into my legs like they were her back rest, and she stayed that way for until the end of the show we were watching. Definitely a slight shift up in comfort level on her part with touching me.
As we were readying for bed, she was talking about how after the 10k and hearing about my workout schedule, OM has finally decided to go to the gym w/ W. We started talking about how thin I am now, how much I weigh now. Then, out of nowhere she launched into a little diatribe about how I could have any woman I wanted, how I could have a different girl every week. When I told her she knew I wanted none of that nonsense, she said, "Yeah I know, but you could." I may be overreaching here, but occasionally I get the distinct feeling that--and this also comes from the way she complains about her appearance to me often, how this or that about her is so far from perfect--she's not really sure why I find her atttractive, or if I even do (which makes me nuts that she could think that way, because I see the most beautiful woman whenever I look at her). She also often--not always--shrugs off my compliments on her appearance in a sort yeah right kind of way. Could there be something to this or am I just focusing on negatives here?
Regardless of the backslide and all the ups and downs, my PMA has been more consistently up lately, I think detaching more is helping.
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