Today seems a bit gloomy for me. XF brought S4 bright and early. I honestly don't really remember her being here, I was sleeping and left the door unlocked for her to bring him in. I know she said something to the effect of, "hey he is here, I gotta get going" but nothing much. I don't even know if I responded or not haha. I think I'm feeling weird about today because we usually have a picnic at the house and this year that isn't happening... Oh well, things will look up
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
So I salvaged a pretty good day from what started in a funk. Got the master bedroom trim completed and also got the crown moulding up in the stairway.
Made lunch for S4, my parents and myself. My parents were down so mom could keep an eye on S4 while dad and I got the trim hung.
After that S4's 4 wheeler came out and he had a blast riding with his cousin. They rode hard all afternoon and then had a little picnic at my sister and her husbands place.
Overall it wasn't my best day but I did drag myself out of that miserable mood I woke up with.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I just have to type this out to vent a little. Last night after S4's goodnight phone all with XF, I sent her a text message asking a question about school for him. She responded and we got a few other things ironed out. All having to do with S4. I honestly wanted to just take care of these things while she was on the phone but forgot until they hung up.
When the conversation was over (a total of about 4 or 5 messages from each of us), to end the conversation I said "well he fell asleep so I'm going to follow his lead and go to bed, goodnight". No response, if there is one thing that irritates me to the core it is things like that. Am I no longer a human being? I have a heart and want this all to at least be under circumstances that we aren't always poking each other in the ribs...
I know it shouldn't bother me but to be honest it really does. It just makes me feel like XF cares about me as much as a piece of dirt on her shoe. No matter what we have 14 years of raising a child together, if this is how I am going to be treated it will be the longest 14 years of my life.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
if this is how I am going to be treated it will be the longest 14 years of my life.
No. It wont. Because, eventually, you will close this door to your life and a new one will open. You arent going to sit around for 14 years waiting for her to decide to come back to be with you (at least, I hope not). And by truly going through this process and learning about yourself, your needs, and your values, you will find someone that will lead you to a great life for you and your son.
Once that happens, you just wont care any more if your XF sends you a good night text.
No, I won't be waiting 14 years for anything haha, I know it will get easier but damn this [censored]! The simplest little thing gets in my head and stays there. I thought I was just being nice and "signing off from the convo" but it backfired and wrecked my brain... I guess maybe I'm a little too old fashioned and courteous but if anybody says something like that to me I at least acknowledge it.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Thinking about how long that door stays open, I hate to put a timeline on anything but I think Christmas/New Years time frame. That will be about 11 months from the start of this mess I learned to know as my life.
That is always subject to change but if nothing improves until then I think that's when I have to start to search for my new life? I don't even like saying that but a person has to know his limits right?
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Thinking about how long that door stays open, I hate to put a timeline on anything but I think Christmas/New Years time frame. That will be about 11 months from the start of this mess I learned to know as my life.
That is always subject to change but if nothing improves until then I think that's when I have to start to search for my new life? I don't even like saying that but a person has to know his limits right?
I kinda think I will know it when it happens. I dont see any reason to plan several months out about that kind of stuff right now.
That is obviously tenative buddy, I just feel like if we go through the holidays like this and nothing is going in the right direction, that may be my limit? Who knows what I'm thinking by then though, I always told myself if somebody walked out on me the door would hit them in the a$$... Now look where I am! Dedicating my life to figuring out exactly went wrong and how to grow from it. Obviously with an end goal in mind but to become a better person no matter what the outcome is!
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Yeah, I know you mean it's tentative. But just for me, I hate to limit it. I kinda feel like as long as Im questioning whether that door is closed or not, then it's not. And I dont know when that will be.
I feel like I'll just know when I know. I dont want to try to put that pressure on myself, because if Im not ready, all its going to do is cause myself pain.
11 months does seem like a good amount of time. I think you had mentioned you were together around 7 years. And with not ever actually being married, your situation is a little different. But, I think when youre ready, you will know.
We were married in every sense but on paper... Lived together 6 years, shared everything about life, our son, a house, cars in both names, all that stuff.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
