MLC Funhouse continues

[HaWho]

Thanks AJM!

So some interesting MLC conversations with H and some developments worth noting.

As I mentioned H is going away with old buddy in a few weeks. He is looking forward to it and I am happy as this friend is a good guy. H is making plans and a few days ago asked my input on his return agenda!?! First time he has done so since BD. He said he wanted to know what was easiest on me and the kids! I gave input but I was so surprised I forgot to validate. Before he leaves I will thank him for working his return around us.

Here's a little glimpse into the MLC mind at work. Today H says enthusiastically that he knows it's going to be a great day. This reminds me of H of old who always ate life with a big spoon. Since BD, he has been Eeyore. We head to the beach with kids.

En route kids ask H about his age. H says this age is tough for him as he is almost still young. He tells kids he thinks turning 50 will be easier because he feels he will have crossed the Rubicon. Then H tells kids some of the things he does that still make him feel young. Thankfully, they are of the wholesome variety. (I am relieved he does not say: I only felt young partying with my unmarried MLC friends.)

Then, he says something that I know is for my benefit as it is above the kids' heads. He advises that it is best not to tickle the past. He says it can lead to making decisions that are impossible to come back from. Mistakes can be made that are irrevocable. Then he says one must accept the present. I wait until he is done and then peck him on the cheek. He has an old glimmer in his eyes again.

Last thing I want to post is for the benefit of those who live with their MLCers. Seems these situations are few and far between and maybe some of this info. will be helpful to someone in the future.

About a month ago, weeks after H said he wanted to work on R he said he wanted to move back into the master bedroom. He set the exact date. The day of, I happened to be out of the house most of the day. I expected to come home and find he had covertly moved back in. But when I returned home he had not moved any of his clothes back. So I assumed it was all talk and no action.

I was upstairs in the master bedroom, it was hours before bedtime, early evening. H comes in with a huge stack of his clothes. He looked at me with a tail between his legs look. I smirked and told him I felt like my boyfriend was moving in, then kissed him quickly. He chuckled. I expected him to do move in while I was out but instead he made a huge show of the move back into the master room; almost theatrical! He even enlisted one of our sons to help him! H is usually very private about such things. The two of them were like ants going up and down. He was very loud and overt about it. Cheerful and industrious but he wanted everyone to see the move in. I still have no idea why he chose to do it this way? Did he want validation?

Anyway, for weeks he still showered downstairs. This too surprised me as I just assumed when he moved back, it would be 100%. I almost said something as it hurt me that he was still showering down there. (The sound of that shower will always remind me of his move out and his MLC.) But as things were moving in the right direction I said nothing and acted "as if." Now, months later H showers in our bathroom, about 90% of the time. His toothbrush is still downstairs.

At "move in" he started to come to the room to watch a little TV with me and chat a bit. Very small increments. Again, I expected full immersion, but that did not happen. I acted "as if" here too. Then last week we started to watch movies together and H stays in the room for much longer periods. He usually asks me to come up with him or will ask what time I am ready to go upstairs. If I am going up, I pop into the downstairs room to tell him I am going up.

The same pattern emerged on weekend mornings. H stayed for small doses-very disappointing! Then, over the last few weeks he lingers like he used to do.

All in all, H's return to master bedroom is best described as watching a feral cat domesticate itself.