DBing for my best friend, my W.

[rottzilla]

WOW Renew, more babysteps, I agree. More good stuff. I think distancing in your sitch will only relieve the pressure W is feeling.

Good job listening and validating.

OM is uneasy for a reason. Whether because of his lack of self esteem or because HE HAS SOMETHING TO FEAR. OK, that was nasty, I'm sure he is a nice guy. But your W must tell him things that make him uneasy and it is becoming internalized and eating away at him. He is doing the unattractive pursuing.

And, when your W begins to work on making herself happy, is she really going to want to be with a whiny, sniveling worm?

(Again, I apologize for being nasty. Not having the best day.) But, hey, he is showing his true colors, give him some more rope. I smell a hanging.

W also feels like she is sometimes yo-yo-ing between OM and I, trying to make sure that she doesn't hurt either of our feelings. I did my best to reassure her that I was fine and that she didn't need to worry about me. I think she believes me.

Does she believe you? If so, good for you, you did a good job of convincing. Or, does she believe, like my H, that you WANT her to think that, but it's not true? This is where detachment will come in really handy now. She doesn't want to hurt you, so don't let her. I am thinking that you can't hurt stone, but then again, you can't love it either. So, what's resistant to being hurt, but still able to absorb love? Maybe a big lion... Arrows bounce off of his thick skin, but his mane is so cuddly and soft. (OK, little sleep again last night, sorry.) I'm just trying to say that, again, it's important to be soft and yielding emotionally but not weak and pursuing.

I do think that listening is drawing you closer. She has said it in her own words... your behavior has allowed her to stay in the house with you, and she obviously is feeling emotional attachment to you - she comes to you every time she needs a shoulder to cry on.