When is kindness enough?

[Ripe]

(cont.)
Sunday evening, After putting the kids to sleep, I decided to talk to W about two issues.
I told W I thought she was not being honest by not telling the kids I am not going with them. When they decided for the move they thought I would also go.
W said yes, but we agreed only to tell the kids about the divorce only next weekend, after we throw a birthday party with S7's school colleagues in order not to spoil his joy (his birthday was on the 24 August but we wants a party with his mates). I conceded the point and we decided to announce our decision this Monday.

The second issue was more touchy.
A long time ago I had decided to tell my W about my espionage on her (story here). I could no longer live with myself and I had agree with my IC that it should be sooner than later.
The problem was her announcement about having been hacked very recently (see previous post).
Since I had bought her a very good laptop (ordered in July, before being aware she wanted the divorce) that I was this moment offering to her and had my mind made up, I confessed to her.
She obviously did not take it well. If I ever had any chance to get my marriage back I destroyed it there and then.
I told her I had not managed to collect any information and that no more than two weeks later I had uninstalled the program on my own accord because I could no longer live with my conscience, but she said she would never trust any person in her life. What mattered to her was my intention. I cannot say she is wrong.
My announcement validated all of her feelings, all of the decisions she made since she decided to divorce me in June 2014.
I tried to tell her it had lasted only for two weeks in October and never again I had done this or anything similar. But who can trust again someone who has betrayed you, especially if this someone is or was your spouse?

We went to bed at eleven. We still sleep together, for the time being.
I guess two to three hours later I woke up and felt so ashamed I could not stand being near this person I had hurt so much.
I went to the living room and walked for three hours.
W woke up at six and came to the living room.
I told her I felt ashamed of myself.
How can I ever face my kids when they think they have an honest father?
How will I be able to face my deceased father, a virtuous man if ever there was one, when I meet him?
How can I expect for my STBXW to trust me in the smallest issue in the future when I betrayed her so profoundly?
I was mad at my IC. She told me my action was understandable, I was desperate at the time. How could she justify the unjustifiable?
W told me she just doesn't care any more, that each one of us just needs to live his and her own life.

We finished before the kids woke up by agreeing to tell them tonight.