I am doing the book for me. What I learn may be used for her later, but for whoever I am with it helps to grasp that love is more than compliments and gifts.
It is just killing me inside seeing her so willing to destroy our M. She is planning to go to Fl to meet this guy next weekend. She want to chase that rabbit til it dies. She has even brought up the prospect of having another child with him. It kills me to hear that stuff. It brings a whole deeper level of pain to the picture to see her so determined on this OM. I am not sure how serious most WWs get with the OM, but it brings fear to a whole new level to have to worry and wonder what could happen.
I am trying hard not to pursue her. I still slip up, more so when it feels like she is conflicted. Which is probably just her temp checking, but it feels so real sometimes.
She doesn't like when I'm angry about it all, but that doesn't mean her mind has changed. I wish I could be stronger and detach better, for my sake at this point. It hurts so bad to see her want to be with this guy so badly.
I wish my kids were older so it was easier to get out of the house more. Instead I feel like I'm a maid to her sometimes. I am trying not to push her farther into it, but she seems to almost dare me into Filing for D or anything like that. It really makes me feel like she hates me. Like our M is doomed in every form it could be.
I just feel so lost and overwhelmed. I feel totally powerless. I am struggling to focus on myself. It is easy sometimes to forget the he!! I'm in, but just when I think it is gone. She reminds me she is choosing him and im right back in the heartache and pain.
