OK V I have read and re-read several times your post to me. This is why it has taken me a while to respond to you. I want to make sure I am understanding and can learn from your wisdom.
I for one feel I allow myself to have blinders on and not see the entire picture of what is going on in the household!
Ok so Emotions. I have them can not control them but I could work on putting pauses in and learning what the feelings really are (anxiety, happy, anger, sadness, lonely, hurt ect). I can learn to know what those feeling are and differentiate between them. I can learn what triggers the bad emotions and learn how to react whether it be a time out or a smile. Is the correct?
I can learn to put the brakes on and not spew. I can just walk away or say I know it is important to you we discuss this but my emotions are high right now could we visit about this later? And then re approach the subject when I can do it in a calmer sense? I will have to do more looking into emotions and how to add that stopping point. Maybe that is something I could work on with my IC. I feel like my emotions just run so quickly sometimes I do not have time to even notice that I am going from aggrivated to angered in seconds. I can choose to journal the emotions and the physiological feelings associated with them to learn my signs of each emotion?
I do not eat very healthy I tend to eat one meal a day and drink pop 1-2 20 oz bottles very little exercise except work (I am a CNA so lots of lifting and walking) If I do eat at work its a small bag of chips or junk food. Eat on the go pretty much. At home we eat a lot of meat and potatoes canned and boxed meals due to busy schedules. I will have to look into nutrition. I am wanting to lose 60 pounds anyways so maybe this can be motivation.
Alanon is much more prevelant maybe I will give that a try first and if I do not like it I can travel to the other one. I have also considered anger management? What is the get gg website do you have the actual web adress? I googled it and got self help websites.
I do see how if you order yourself it is like setting up for failure. I order myself all of the time to exercise eat right ect and then never stick to it. I am beginning to think it has to be a choice and it has to be when you are ready. I battle constantly with decisions I make. Just like staying in the house. I am constantly going back and forth did I make the right decision. I accept I made a decision to stay. It may have been good it may have been bad. At this moment it is what is financially feasable and is helpful to us both financially. This allows the kids to do their activities and us to pay bills. Is it the best decision emotionally I am not sure but I can feel confident I made the best decision I could at the moment. It would probably be helpful in healing to not be here and be able to go dark but it would just be another added stress I do not need right now. Yes it is stressful here sometimes also but not near as stressful as splitting up the kids worrying about finances and everything else.
I am going to choose to set one of my goals to walk 5 mins 3 times this week. I know it is a small amount but It should help me succeed as I will be very busy having the kids myself and racing all week. I will add a minute next week.
You are right he can not control me I allow how he treats me to affect me. I forget that neither of us are the same person as a few years ago. I also forget not to take what he says/does to seriously as we should not believe anything they say and only 50% of what they do. I can make a choice to allow myself to feel the emotions and react to them in a way I find acceptable.
I will also make it a goal to journal one time a day on just the emotions I have felt and how my body reacted to the emotions. I will name the emotions i feel.
Areas I can heal: 1. Abuse 2. controlling/negative behavior 3. heal from infidelity
things I can work on 1. Trusting people friends included 2. managing my reactions to my feelings 3. setting boundaries 4. self worth
I am attending IC weekly. I have been for a little over a year. I have been just bouncing around a lot. A lot of the focus is on the relationship. I can choose to change that direction and work on things like healing instead.
So GOALS: 1. I will continue booking weekly counseling sessions and focusing specifically on myself and healing the infidelity and abuse issue. How will I know if I am meeting this goal 1. I will follow through with my next appointment scheduled for Thursday. 2. The focus I choose for the day is NOT the R but instead helping myself begin to heal and understand the effects of the abuse. 3. I will decide to schedule the next appointment
2. I will contact one Alanon group this week and get information on the group and times available and decide if the meeting times will work for me. I have decided to give a 12 step program a try.
How will I know I am meeting this goal. 1. I decide to call a group and receive information on the group times/days. 2. I will decide if the group times will work for me. 3. I will schedule the time into my week to attend the meeting and decide if the meeting will work for me.
3. I have decided to face problems and not push them down by using a daily journal, noticing the feeling, and introducing a pause. I will choose to journal my feelings at least one time a day. I will chose to go do something physical at least one time when I am feeling angry.
How will I know if I am meeting this goal? 1. I will have journal entries for 7 days. 2. I can decide to name those emotions 3. I can choose to feel the emotions and describe them in my journal 4. I will choose to use exercise, walking, or time out as a pause. 5. If I am meeting this goal I should have one or less spewing moments during the 7 days.
4. My new acceptance is through detatchment I will wait 15 minutes before responding to a trigger.
How will I know I am meeting this goal? 1. I will be using one of my pause methods 2. I will begin to learn where my line crossing is 3. I will not react in a haste: I will be able to begin knowing when I need to take a pause
Hopefully I am starting to understand. I will keep working. This week will be so good for me as H is camping with OW so I am on my own with the kids. Hopefully It will give me a boost of confidence that I can do for myself. It will also be nice because I will get a lot of alone time with the kids at the races it is one of our favorite family times. My poor sleep schedule will go down the tubes though! thanks so much V!
I tend to eat one meal a day and drink pop 1-2 20 oz bottles very little exercise except work (I am a CNA so lots of lifting and walking) If I do eat at work its a small bag of chips or junk food. Eat on the go pretty much. At home we eat a lot of meat and potatoes canned and boxed meals due to busy schedules. I will have to look into nutrition. I am wanting to lose 60 pounds anyways so maybe this can be motivation. 