Betsey, Thanks for the huddle (does this mean we're wearing spandex?). You make some very good points. I think a few others have been trying to tell me the same thing, but I can't seem to get it through my thick skull.
Quote: You need to do more work in detaching.
You're right. I think I'd detached to a point earlier in the process but have been having trouble detaching further. My fear is that she wants me to move on so she can move on without me. I need to let go of that fear.
Quote: But I do think a good 180 for you would be to start doing things that you find enjoyable without asking her to join you.
Agreed. I will spend more time with my friends. I have starting to go cycling again, but she never liked cycling very much, so I also need to participate in activities she has interest in, as opposed to ones she wouldn't join me in anyway. I don't think she feels left out when I meet the guys out for a few drinks. I need to get on the tennis thing pronto, take a few lessons, find someone to play with. I ought to identify more activities like tennis.
Quote: I believe you have to make her see that the changes in you are real and forever and you care about yourself as much as or more than her.
Rottzilla, Thank you for pointing out the good in my posts. I always enjoy doing the same for you. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you're trying to tell me pretty much the same thing Betsey is... I need to take care of me a little more, that I can detach from her and be a little less available and have some fun of my own.
