Well she sent me a TM last night at 10:45 that said "I wont be coming home. Too drunk to drive."
I responded "have fun, and be safe".
S8 woke up twice in the night crying. He said he dreamed mommy tried to take him away from me. D3 woke up asking for mommy as well a few times. Thats gotta be the hardest part. That makes me feel hatred in my heart. How can she claim she cares about them?
this mornig at 11:01 she TM me saying "have fun and be safe? Is that to say use a condom? I cant believe you would assume that about me! I mean I know you think low, but REALLY?"
Have you read Sandi's posts on WW's? What was your take away?
It's really easy to fixate on her actions and how they hurt you and your family...but you can't control any of that. What are you working on for yourself? What is your game plan? Not just talking about interactions with her, I'm talking about for you going forward?
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
My takeaway is that Im pretty much screwed. She has crossed too many lines to be worth anything.
She just TM me saying she went to church this morning. THAT BLOWS ME AWAY! I been trying to get her to come to church for years. She HATES it. She rolls her eyes in disgust when she sees me reading the Bible. SHe don't wanna hear nothing about it. Now that Im ignoring her she says that she went to church. I bet shes lying.
I WANT to get a job, but I don't think people on here truly grasp how hard that is when you live in the middle of nowhere, and there ARE no jobs.
Other than that a few positives are that I AM getting myself back into peak physical condition. I have been working out HARD ever since this happened. I am back to nearly my best. My body is transforming rapidly into 150 pounds of steel. Like it was when I was riding bulls. My 6pack is back. I feel great about myself for that.
I have quit smoking cigs cold turkey, and I feel better than I have since I was 17 years old. No more hacking, and coughing.
I have been cleaning the house with more purpose than ever before. It looks better than it has in years around here.
Also keep in mind that I have S8, and D3 pulling at my pants leg AT ALL TIMES. There is not a moments peace. They are both NEEDING me to look at them constantly. Daddy watch this. Daddy look at me. Daddy wanna see something? Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy. It makes it hard to get anything actually done. When they take a nap I log in on here and vent. It helps tremendously.
Another huge step I took was getting back in touch with my father. It was not beneficial though. He is the hardest man ever, and dosent understand that I cant just smack her around, and MAKE her get right. Im not like him, and Im not gonna do him the way he did my Momma.
Well I just got out of county jail. She told the cops I choked her, but she is lying. All I did was take har phone, and she came at me with a fork. My son called the cops, and when they final got there I went to jail on assault charges. I got divorce papers while I was in there. Its all lies, but what can I do? Im sick my brothers, and sisters, but I will move on.
Sorry to hear. As far as the what you can do, stay away from her. As far away as you can. If it was bad enough to cause S to call the cops, it was bad. Even if you don't agree w/ what she is doing, do not let it blow up in front of your S, and if you did grab her phone away from her without her permission, that can be seen as assault. Just so you are aware. Now you are on the cops' radar, and anything you do or she accuses you of carries more weight. So, stay away.
If you swap children, that needs to happen somewhere public where there are witnesses. Don't agree to do anything with her without that. Your L will give you this advice too.
BTW, most men have no idea how scary we are to women & children when we are mad. We are evolved to have body language & vocal signals that project threat to others. Think of our deep voices - made for growling and shouting. The increased mass, esp. in the upper body. Etc. You may not intend to be threatening, but I've worked with enough women to know just how scared anger in a man can make them, including anger from a man that knows he would never physically harm them. Doesn't matter. You limbic systems (the reptilian part of the brain wired for threat detection & protection) are in charge in those moments.
Good luck with this latest set back.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
This just tears me up to see a stitch like yours. Are there any types of assistance in that county to help a husband & dad? You might even ask the school social worker to direct you to any available agencies that could provide emergency shelter & food till you can do better. There may be a church nearby that can help. The last thing you need to do is go back to her house.
Also, check on legal aide to get advice on the next steps. Whenever a woman accuses a man and he goes to jail........it leaves him one top priority. He has to protect himself from her! I don't think she is through with this type of treatment. Her next stepmeat be to get full custody.....any way she can. If you have any access to the bank accounts, I think she'll have that stopped. So, don't linger about getting legal help. Her lawyer has warned her about what to expect if she D you. She may decide to tip the scale in her favor by making you appear less than a devoted family man.
You really cannot afford to give her the benefit of doubt.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She sent me letters in jail saying how sorry she was, and how she will always love me. Shes been trying to contact me since Ive been out, but Im not responding. She saysshe realizes my worth, and that its taking 4 people to do what I did. She wants the kids to see me, but her lawyer says that will make the restraining order null, and void. She says shes going to tell the court that she was lying. Which she WAS!! Im want to believe her so bad. I STILL love her God help me!
