Still DB'ing - Still Learning from WAW (6)

[PigPen]

[quote=Fogg]

Thats what keeps me going, the learning about myself and grown that this gives. In some ways we're lucky for this experience (F me for actually saying that, but it has its kernel of truth). [quote=Fogg]

I hear you on this one Fog, we are lucky to have the opportunity to better ourselves, I agree with that. We are also taking the worst of experiences and turning them into something positive. I'm not sure if I'd classify that as luck, but incredible abdominal fortitude and deep character.

I just spent a glorious 30 minutes deep in meditation and would love to espouse all of the insights that I got from it. I got none. Only one step closer to knowing myself a bit better in silence I guess. I went into it after having two nagging questions. I'll pontificate a bit here since my dog is sick of hearing me talk out loud.

Last night I went out to dinner with three other couples. Two of whom I was the officiant at their weddings. The third is unmarried but getting there. All three of these couples met through my business. One has their second child on the way. When I opened the business, my W was just a friend.

I spent the evening pondering how the Universe or God, or whoever and/or whatever is pulling the strings in life would have me dedicate 7 years of my life to building a business that has brought so many people together - couples, groups of friends, business partners, and now we even have a few newborns from the above - but then have the stress/hours/energy output of building that business be a big impetus in the demise of my own family. ("you only cared about work, work always came first, the business owned our lives")

Why after all that time and effort to build the community and so much positivity, would I realize that it's not the place for me? Why could I only see that leaving was the right move AFTER my M fell apart.

That was question 1.

Question 2 was more on the nature of DB'ing and hope, and maybe less of a question and more of a thought. I've been thinking about this a lot.

The little bit of Stockdale hope that I have from DB'ing, and the actions of DB'ing itself, are definitely keeping me from "moving on before I'm ready" so to speak. This is also coming from someone who seems to bring on the constant question of "So are you dating now? Why not, she's clearly moved on why aren't you?"

I think that after BD it may take me (hypothetically) two full years before I'm ready to move on with any kind of emotional honesty. Whether that's on to dating, or just getting through the day/night without having imaginary conversations/arguments/love affairs with my W.

Two years.

Without DB, I would most likely be trying to shortcut that process already with other women (they've been making themselves well known), overwork, or ignoring my real feelings. I say that here at the 9 month mark with 13 hypothetical months minimum to go.

I'm starting to think that DB'ing is going to get me to stay single, stay focused, and stay sane all the way to the two year mark. This board being a huge part of that process. Then at the two year mark, who knows what will happen. But I'll know I didn't skip any steps. My healing will be so much further and more complete than if I skipped huge sections of it by jumping in bed with people, and not having this board to read, follow, or write long posts on. Like this one i.e. sharing with people who are going through the same chitty situation. I still learn more from reading other people's writing than I do making my own.

Those are my thoughts since the gift of time is still keeping my W from calling me, running back to me with thoughts of reconciliation, D paperwork, and/or anything in between.

I hope everyone is having a peaceful Sunday.

PP