wife left... not sure what to do next

[sandi2]

She said “we have become roommates” and there is “no chemistry”. I agreed that things could be improved but thought we should work on it. Told her I would do anything. She said there was nothing to work on, it should be ‘natural’. She said I was the ‘best husband’ (obviously not) but that she is not happy. A few days later she told me she found an apartment and about a month ago she moved out.

She feels no chemistry. How about you?

Whenever I read about a woman believing it should all come naturally, and no work done......it tells me she has her head in a fantasy. She wants to be swept completely off her feet, and dominated by such extreme sexual attraction that her volition has no say in the matter. That is basically how the romance novels are written. A lot of women buy into it and then think of what they are missing out in their lives. If those ideas are not harnessed, they can lead her to make bad decisions.

I don't think it is b/c of your lack of sexual experence with different partners. I think the problem is mostly her. You can't make her have feelings. That's up to her.

I suspect she is either having an affair or at the very least, having a good time. Some of the outfits she was wearing right before she left drove me crazy. That is not the girl I know.

Maybe, or she may be shopping around. Has she ever had an A while you were together?

I think the fact that she said you were the "best husband" confuses or bothers you, since it's in your signature line. I believe it was code for saying you are a nice guy, a good person, and it's not you but her. You know, kind of like whenever a woman breaks up with a guy and tells him she loves him like a brother.

I end up getting a little angry at how I am being treated like an ex-boyfriend rather than a husband. That is what bothers me. I desperately want this to work out, but even if she came back, I am not sure I can go through this again. There is only so many times someone can tell you 'this is how I feel'. I actually started researching divorce proceedings last night. She has not forced the issue as of yet though. The only thing we briefly discussed was not needing lawyers. I will still wait for her to bring it up.

Of course she's not treating you like a husband! She scratched you off her list. If she left you, and considering her reasons, how were you expecting her to treat you? What would she do differently than from an ex-boyfriend?

I'll get straight to the point. This is not the first time, right? That means the risk of her doing it again is high. You say you want it to work out. However, I think you are really hoping that working out means she will stop putting you through this stuff. But she doesn't want to "work" on things with you. She wants her sexual fantasies filled. Life may have to teach her, and it may take a real long time to make her see that a couple has to work to keep a good relationship.

My advice is to leave her alone and make a life for yourself. Drop the emotional rope and move forward. It will probably take a long time before she actually misses you. The longer she goes without seeing you or contact of any type, the better the chances that she would feel some attraction when she does see you. I am talking months and months, maybe a couple of years or more.