Zelda - Baby One More Time

[asitis]

Thanks Pinn, Pighead. I just misplaced my lady balls for a time.

Not being love drunk - achieved by significant no contact - has been the biggest help in re-centering on my experience. Rather than worrying what he could mean, what he wants, what he is thinking...who cares. The only thing he was ever right about was that he "married up." And my number one goal is to get back to the me (slightly older and wiser) that I was before I let his mind-effery take hold.

A long time ago Cadet told me to take my love, box it up and put it on the shelf. That's where it stays. To open it?

XH would have to grow up, replace abuse tactics with direct and assertive communication. He'd have to find something to replace the emptiness inside of him. A single personality to settle on. Understand why he makes sympathy grabs to other women all the time. Do something to show me this, regain trust.

Life is too short. I plan on being wildly successful and madly in love again before he even gets through step one.

And he's shown no sign of doing that. Much easier for him to find a new victim to get what he feels he needs than to look in the mirror and fix things that will horrify him about himself.

By the time he might get around to it, your life will be well beyond that. You'll likely have found someone who deserves you and will be good for you to be with. You'll have a lot of work to do to not let the scars of the past interfere with that opportunity. Just saying. You know your course. And, yes knowing doesn't make the urge to turn back any easier.

On to the practical: just set a time limit to resolve all outstanding issues. He wants X. If you are OK with this, just say that he can, but all requests need to be settled by the end of the month. All of them. If you dispute any, pay a mediator for an hour of time to sit down and address any nagging items and be done with it.

If you don't mind him coming over to take care of his junk rather than you being responsible for throwing it out, make that what you still need from him. I suspect just junking it yourself will be less hassle than having to deal w/ him, but maybe not. Just one of the costs of being free.

e-Hugs.