Betsey, no, thank you, you've got me laughing so hard today my face hurts.
Rj2...
Quote: What are some of the things you did/ways you acted before you and W were "officially together"?
This one's a little tough as W and I were pretty much an item w/in a week of meeting, I mean we connected right away and knew it. But I could probably outline some behavior that characterized our early stages together... --an almost complete disregard for time (the only time that mattered was the time we spent together). --playfullness and an unconscious expectation that fun would happen when we were together. --QT: we would sit around in each other's arms and talk for hours aobut anything. --AOS: She would make me dinner, and I would bring her a bottle of wine. --I don't think either of us ever did much of getting all prettied up for the other during those early days, we would just hang out at her apartment in our pajamas.
I've been trying to make more of these things happen, and have had some success. Also, in the area of physical attraction, I've dropped quite a bit of weight since last fall, and I've been paying much more attention to clothes and grooming (she's allergic to many perfumes and colognes, so that one's kind of out). It's payed off. Not only has she noticed and commented, but OM is actually intimidated by my appearance, going so far as to say to her that he thinks I look like a GQ model, which makes both W and I laugh quite heartily.
Rottzilla, Thanks for the meow! I was thinking some more about the door analogy, and I'm wondering if I need to take a tiny step backward, and see what kind of contact she might initiate. Anita, I think this goes hand in hand with what you said. No, I haven't gotten any massages from her yet, but I've also been a little afraid to ask. I tend to think there may be a little bit of drawing away from OM on her part, but it's been very very subtle from my point of view. And I really do need to see her draw away from him some, for me to feel like we're going to make progress beyond the current state of affairs.
I can't remember if i've gone into this in a previous post but here's the thing... W felt for years that I ignored her requests to spend time with her, going off and doing my own thing w/o considering her. W also strongly feels that I set LOTS of boundaries on our time together, that I would say things like, "I will do this... I won't do that... I will only do such and such for you between 7 and 8 pm," etcetera. I won't deny her complaints, many of them are based in truth. I had some control issues.
As a result, much of my doing-what-works-behavior has been to make myself completely available for her, unconditionally. I'm certain it's been a major factor in the improvements between us, and so I'm awfully nervous about changing that behavior. I do want to draw her in, though. I desperately want her to initiate some kind of physical touch between us. But I don't want to do anything--either by error or omission--that would lead her to believe I was returning to my old ways. I also don't want to appear--like OM has started to--that I am nervous about losing her. I'm a little on eggshells about all of this, and I could really use more advice.
