My faults always outweighed hers no matter what it seemed.
I felt my W did the exact same thing and its one of the things I'm working on right now actually. Throughout our M she seen things in a different way and things I did that were minor were so much worse than the moderate-major things she did. I've realized even the way she tells others her point of view is flawed and gives a completely different view of what really happened, but I'm sure on some level this happens to everyone. In my case it bothered me to the point where it was my button pushing and I would react instantly, much like you have said you do. You cant tell or show her faults to her because you already know that doesn't work. You have to own your own faults when criticized and avoid attacking her without reacting at all, this is the only way she will see her own faults.
I have matured and done AM since those dark times. I am a better person but it feels she hasnt noticed or cared. She refuses to consider counseling right now.
She is focused on what she thinks will make her happy, which is working(or so she thinks right now) so theres no reason she would care about your changes. The changes are you for anyway.
I will say i am beginning to see the fluxuations of a WW in her more prevalently. She acts nice to me ine minute and horrid the next. She jokes about having sex with me(I say no thanks each time) but all the while she texts and talks to him.
She will act that way as long as shes in the fog and thinking about him.
I am wondering if I am taking the right approach. I am not showering her with gifts or anything, but since i checked out for so long I am trying tobe engage her in friendly conversations now and be nice with her even when she gets angry. I try to help her around the house and such.
Is this the wrong approach. I dobt want to go totally dark because I feel like it would be seen as more of the same. Also I havebt cut her phone off. Should I be doing things like that or trying to be sweet? And under sny circumstances is it of to talk about our past?
Going totally dark might be more of the same, but the dynamics are different also. Pulling back would be the more appropriate term and action. You want have positive interactions but move forward with your life also. One point is not being the door mat and I'm sure that's leading down sandi's line of questions which I would pay attention too.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
