Rj2, you make sme good points. I will try to address that soon in another post.
I can say without any hesitation that what I have been doing for the past few months--and still am doing to the best of my ability--has been THE hardest thing I've ever done, EVER. It makes graduate school look like wading in the kiddie pool. It makes my back surgery look like a paper cut. Being my W's best friend, being happy for her, supporting her, giving her my full attention, loving her unconditionally, taking care of all the regular household stuff... and all while she is dating another man... nothing else in my life even comes close to comparing to the way this strains my heart and soul every day. I just had to get that out, it was eating me up. That said, things are about the same give or take...
I returned home last night. W called me on the cellphone as I was about an hour away to say that she was going to OM's place to watch movies but would return home later, maybe around 8 or 9. She calls again closer to 11:00 to say she's on her way and is hungry, so I fixed us dinner. We had a nice evening together.
I had taken today off from work so I could run errands and stuff, so I was free to hang out with W until she went to work. Morning started with her massage, but after an hour of massage she started to get a little cranky... "I can't get out of bed when you keep giving me massages in the morning...it puts me right back to sleep... I need to wake up on my own... you need to stop invading my space and hovering around my bed every morning..." Um, ok.
So I got out the cat toys and took the cat downstairs to play and let her wake up on her own. I had some coffee and did some laundry, and she eventually got up and came downstairs. After that she seemed to be fine and we hung out and talked about lots of stuff for several hours. Nothing earthshattering, but some parts were interesting. For instance we were talking aobut where to put some china my grandmother had given me, and she started talking about where would be the best place in the house for us to display it--then she started backtracking when she all the sudden realized we still didn't know how long I was going to be living there. Oh well. Nonetheless our rapport was very good, with lots of REALLY good eye contact.
Plz excuse any spelling mistakes above--I'm typing really fast. I've got to run now or I'll miss my concert, I'll try and update more later. BTW, W can't make the concert because she's too busy at work right now.
It seems every time I go waay for more than a day the walls start to go back up, and my PMA plummets. I'm hanging in there though. As I've seen elsewhere on the board... "Anything worth having is worth working hard for."
